The alarm sounds off as I awake in a fury
My head is throbbing and my vision blurry
My throat is dry and I’m still in my jeans
Sunday morning you know what that means
For the fifth week in a row at the same open house
Where nobody comes, no human or mouse
Flags and signs rattle in the depths of my trunk
As I drive in my car with my livelihood shrunk
I pull up to the home to my utter dismay
The owner is home, like he is every day
“Hello Broke Agent why is it not selling?”
Look Mr. Seller “there’s just no way of telling”
Automatic responses engraved in my brain
For he is unrealistic and clearly insane
It is way overpriced with no curb appeal
And the owner won’t budge so no chance at a deal
So I turn on the lights and unlock the doors
Put my business cards out and sweep up the floors
Then lean back on the wall and I whip out my phone
As I prepare to be bored and for 3 hours alone
Almost halfway through with my sign-in sheet bare
I sink deeper and deeper into a chair
A slight knock at the door breaks up my trance
In enters Cheryl and her fiancé Lance
“First time here?” With a smile I greet
“Yes just looking we live right down the street!”
“Fantastic,” I say. My eyes roll in my head
“Take a look around there’s a bathroom and bed”
Are you in the market? Are you looking to buy?
What is your budget? What style and why?
I ask all my questions with a shit-eating grin
Until I hear “what school district is this in?”
I shake and I sweat like I’m riddled with flu
With a slight hesitation, I say “no fucking clue”
Just write me an offer or leave me in peace
But if you’re not looking to buy I’ll show you a lease
