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The Most Insane Property Description Ever

April 13, 2016

Nestled in a quiet cul de sac in a great location, this recently remodeled Spanish gem is the epitome of indoor-outdoor living. 3 bedrooms + 2 bathrooms, sweeping views of city lights and canyon from spacious roof deck. Includes guest bedroom and office (possible fourth bedroom) on the second level. Walking distance to all major shopping and a stone's throw away from trendy restaurants. Natural lighting, open spaces, and hardwood floors grace the family room which offers views to the spacious backyard. Please call Listing Agent 1 for showings. Property must be seen to be appreciated.

TRANSLATION:

 

Sandwiched between two frat houses near a construction site, this ancient shack is located in a predominately gang-infested neighborhood. Beautiful city views (if you have access to the Hubble telescope) from the soon-to-collapse roof. Also, the foundation has more dry rot than The Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean. Includes a guest bedroom and office which can be converted into a fourth bedroom if you plan on torturing your guests. You can get to the nearest shopping in five minutes with access to a fighter jet, and you are a "stone's throw away" from Burger King if you are Tom Brady.  Natural lighting, holes in the ceiling, and concrete floors in the family room offer views to a the small cluster of weeds in the back. Please call Listing Agent 1 for showings and inquiries. This property is a pile of shit.

In Just Make Me Laugh
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