Five Places In Your Phone Where Leads Are Hiding

1) Facebook Messenger

You know what the laziest move in real estate history is? Setting your Facebook Status to: "If anyone is looking to buy or sell, contact me to be your agent!" Everyone is guilty of this. So, take your laziness one step further and spend an hour direct messaging your "friends" on Facebook. It feels a little more personal and can actually be a great lead generation tool. Also, the "seen" feature makes it more difficult for your "friends" to ignore you. Get a dialogue going and ask them if they know anyone in the market. There's got to be at least one lead amongst those high school classmates that you haven't talked to eight years. 

 

2) Dating Apps

I have said this before. But, you can literally swipe on random people in a certain mile radius of your choice! Plus, I "heard" there is now a "make friends" feature on a lot of these dating apps. This is literally free marketing.  Swipe on everyone and come up with a clever lead slash/pick-up line. Something like: "you may not fall in love with me, but you will fall in love with the home I can find you." Something not like that actually. 

 

3) Your Contacts

When is the last time you actually went through all of your contacts on your phone and texted everyone an update of what you are doing. Probably never. Send a quick update to everyone in your phone that lets them know you are in real estate or maybe at a new brokerage. Most people will probably not respond, but at least you now put your name in their heads. 

4) Your Old Coworkers

If you are like the majority of real estate agents, selling homes was not your first job. Hopefully, you developed decent relationships with a few people at the places you used to work. Look through your old emails and reach out to all your old coworkers and tell them why you quit the 9-5 life to work 80 hours a week as a realtor! 

 

5) Search Hashtags On Instagram

Pretty simple. Search the following hashtags on Instagram and start sliding into their DM's:

#divoredlife

#divorce

#divorcedmom

#divorceddad

#newlyweds

#expecting

#newbaby 

For those who don't understand the social slang... you should direct message people in your area that are using these hashtags. People that are getting divorced are selling their homes. People that are having babies tend to buy new homes. Savage? Yes. But, it is also genius and I guarantee you nobody has ever done it. 

 

My Real Estate Role Models

Every industry needs its role models. To prove my assertion, let’s take booming economic sector of “Hot Chicks on Reality TV.” After the resounding success of Paris Hilton’s fully night-visioned sex tape (ingeniously named One Night in Paris), Kim Kardashian promptly released her rebuttal. Legendary Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger Epert proclaimed Kim’s sex tape as “a postmodern masterpiece” and it catapulted her to the coveted title of America’s Sweetheart. Thanks to Paris Hilton, Mrs. Kardashian-West is now the keystone of a billion dollar media empire.

You know who else led an empire? Darth Vader. And he’d never have been the Jedi master without his role model Obi Won Kenobi. Without Obi Won, we’d be stuck with Anakin Skywalker, the pod-racing virgin back on Tatooine.

Real estate, my friends, is no different. As I’m sure you’ve inferred from my extremely high-brow and extremely factual anecdotes, having role models is important. Let’s take a dive into the inner workings of my psyche and explore my role models, the legends of real estate who constantly remind me to strive for greatness.

 

1) Donald Trump

What else can I possibly say about the man that hasn’t already been said? Probably nothing, but here’s my spiel anyway. Real estate is solely a means to an end. From my assessment, Trump realized he’d never be the best or smartest real estate developer. Instead, he’d become the most famous.

This is Donald Trump’s innovation, creating a reinforcing cycle of fame stemming from real estate branding and outrageous media stories. Sure, there’ve been other famous people in real estate. But unless you work in the business, you have no idea who they are! Fame is just a side-effect of their success. For Trump, fame is what makes the whole real estate gig work.

If the media is a landlord and clickbait makes up the supply of credit-worthy tenants, Donald Trump is the ultimate broker. He can sell papers and gets clicks better than anyone in America and, boy, does he know it. In the age of dead gorilla memes, Donald Trump is the ultimate real estate role model.

 

2) Blake, Alec Baldwin’s character from Glenngarry Glen Ross

First off, one would assume Glengarry Glen Ross is an amazing movie due to its star-studded cast and 94% on Rotten Tomatoes. I assure you, dear readers, this is not the case. It’s based off a Broadway play, so the only people who enjoy it are the people who refer to movies only as “films.” The only amusing part of Glenngarry Glen Ross is Alec Baldwin’s famous speech where he says:

“A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing!”

You’re in real estate, so you’ve heard Blake’s famous line. Whenever I hear elders in the biz’ talk about how “back in the good old days we used to spank our 18 year old interns on the ass!” (or something similar) I think of Blake. Well, elders, Blake is a douchebag and we’re better off without him. If I wanted Alec Baldwin to call me a pussy in front of twenty other people, I’d— well I guess I’d just publically ask him a question because I hear Alec Baldwin has zero chill.

 

3) The Property Brothers

If HGTV celebrities were Greek gods, the Property Brothers would be Zeus and Zeus’ identical twin brother. Imagine the plot of a Mary-Kate and Ashely direct-to-VHS movie, but instead featuring Canadian dudes with real estate licenses. That’s basically the Property Brothers.

Jonathan, the contractor brother, has long hair and a beard. Drew, the real estate agent brother, is clean-shaven and wears a suit. From this, I’ve inferred that edgy Jonathan likes to talk about the superior sound quality of vinyl records while workaholic Drew struggles with the concept of an afterlife. Real estate can get deep.

They’re my role models because one time I drunkenly saw them at sushi and interrupted their dinner to take an Instagram. I got over 100 likes. See below. #blessed

Of course, I could go on and on talking about the gods of my Real Estate Pantheon. In all truthfulness, I could easily crank out a 20 page essay dissecting Shaquille O’Neal’s iconic 2003 episode of Cribs, because it was that ridiculous. In an industry with so many absurd personalities, the legends are all around us!

 

 

Written by Tommy Adelson AKA "The Country Club Broker"

Find me here: 

Twitter: @adelsont

http://www.cbre.us/o/beverlyhills/people/thomas-adelson/Pages/overview.aspx

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thomas-adelson-003ba0a3

A Day In The Life of an Agent, a Mom, and a Wife

Women and men have different experiences in residential real estate. Duh. Rural Realtors have TOTALLY different systems than fancy, big city agents (Like the BA). So, here's a day in the life of a Mom/ Wife/ Agent in east Tennessee. 

***At least, this is a typical day in her life until I can teach her how to become a real estate investor.

6:00 AM: Wake up to three texts from three different buyers who stayed up all night looking at houses on Zillow and they need to see them TODAY. You verify that all the houses are actually still listed on the market and break the news that Zillow isn't always accurate. Resend them a list of on market, available properties that fit their criteria and price range. Immediately receive texts that they don't like any of those houses.

7:00 AM: Shower and primp yourself quickly before your Sellers start calling with updates of their properties. You know you sent an email to each of them about possible future showings and details of their Open House, but they love to say good morning and get a personal message from you. Besides, they're paying you, right? They deserve fifteen minutes of your morning.

7:45 AM: Hurriedly kiss your husband good-bye as you leave for a networking meet-up while responding to more emails and texts before you start the drive. No one ever texts/ emails/ updates the Facebook status: "I love real estate" while driving, right?!

8:05 AM: You're a couple of minutes late to the meet-up because your Broker called wanting to know where the paperwork is for 123 Main Street that closed two months ago, and you once again walk her step by step on the company's server to find the file under "CLOSED PROPERTIES" that says 123 Main Street. 

8:10 AM: Frantically meet and mingle with as many new people you can before everyone picks a seat and you're left with another new insurance agent beside you at the table. You know they don't have a book yet, so how could they possibly bring you more clients? Leave. Your phone is buzzing and this guy is so fresh faced he reminds you of your fifteen year old cousin in high school. You can call his broker later to set up an actual consultation that may lead to business. (Note: you never actually call this kid's boss because you're way too busy with the clients you already have and can't make time for another meeting.)

8:30 AM: Run by the office, smile, say hello, check your email, set up a new criteria of homes for the Jones' people, take your broker the hard copy file from 123 Main Street because she still can't find what she's looking for, grab some coffee and ask if anyone has any pocket listings for the three people who woke you up at 6:00 AM. No, nothing. Back out the door to a 9:00 AM showing!

9:00 AM: They don't show up. You have had this appointment for a week. This is the perfect house, the other agent had the seller's hire a professional cleaning crew and now your buyer's are nowhere to be seen. Once they answer the phone for you on the fourth call, they overslept. Yes, they got the reminder texts last night but they wrote a new rift on the bass guitar last night and it slipped their mind. Could we reschedule tonight in between your other showings on the other side of town? Apologize to the Seller's Agent, pass on regrets to the Seller who paid extra to have the mulch fresh when the potential buyer's arrived and set up another showing when it's convenient for everyone. You can totally do it!

10:00 AM: Your kid has a school program. Since you're in real estate and have tons of "free time" all the other mothers expect you to be there early. In fact, you're in charge of picking up a gift for the homeroom teacher from the other busy moms. For the next hour you hear all about how lucky you are to be able to work from anywhere and cash those big commission checks every day! Oh they are so jealous of your luck in life. If they only knew how stressed out and tense you stay, right?

11:00 AM: Back in the car to see a potential Seller. They own a six bedroom, six bath house on 33 acres an hour away from your house. They want to move back to New York before the snow sets in up there. They sound incredibly motivated, sophisticated and determined. An ideal client. A real dream come true. And that commission check from this sell? Yeah, you're driving it already. How awesome would it be to quickly sell one house and pay off this new car?!

12:00 PM: Meeting was perfect. They will look over the contract and send it to you tonight. You immediately start planning your description of this massive estate. Stop into Wendy's for a #1 with sweet tea on your way to that afternoon meeting. Who schedules meetings with the entire office at 1:00 PM in the afternoon?! Your local association's board. Yeah, it's time for Continuing Education so you can keep your license to be a real estate Professional.

4:00 PM: You realize you actually like Continuing Education classes. I mean, you're forced to be in a quiet, air conditioned room with free Wi-Fi and breaks every 45 minutes to stretch and return phone calls. Can I schedule CE every day?! You accomplished so much in the past three hours! This was incredible! Wonder what that guy at the front of the room has been saying for the past three hours? Probably wasn't important, but if it was, the association will send out fourteen emails in summary over the next three days anyways.

5:00 PM: The honeymoon is over and it's back in the car to go to the showings on the other side of town. This time your Buyers show up. They love the first house. The second house needs too much work, and the third house has a neighbor with cars in the yard, trash strewn everywhere and a German Shepherd who never stops barking the entire time you're trying to explain the serenity of this charming, older neighborhood.  As you drive the buyers back to their car, they tell you to write an offer on the first house. They are in a hurry to buy something. They don't want to see any other listings. They liked it enough. SWEET! The trick is though, they want to offer $100,000 even though they are approved for $175,000 and the list on the house is only $135,000. WHAT?! But since they are your clients, you write up the offer at the office, they sign it and you email the listing agent (and quickly send her a warning text so she doesn't faint.) It will be tomorrow before she can get back to you so everyone heads home excited for the possibilities.

8:00 PM: Arrive at the ball field to catch the last twenty minutes of your son's baseball game.  As long as you're there to take pictures at the end, he'll never know the difference, right? Don't forget to post those toothless grins to Facebook so everyone can see how devoted you are to real estate and still find time to make it to all the games for your kids! Wahoo! Supermom!

9:00 PM: Kids are fed, bathed, and fighting with each other. Your phone is ringing. It's the seller with the 6/6 on 33 acres. Crap! You forgot to check if they sent the contract back yet. Answer on the fourth ring in the closet because it doesn't echo and the kids never think about finding you in the closet of all places. You can immediately tell something is wrong. The universe shifts when the seller says "Hey, I don't think we're ready to list yet. We're not in a hurry and we don't want a sign in the yard so all the neighbor's start talking. But if you find a buyer, we'll be glad to pay you a 1% referral fee! Don't want you to think we're total cheap skates! Ha! We're still friends though?" Yeah, we're cool dude. I'll keep this property in mind.

10:00 PM: You realize your husband is the most amazing man in the world. He DVR'ed The Bachelor in Paradise AND Shark Tank from last Friday. How did you luck up to find such an amazing husband who knows why you hide in the closet even after the phone call is over? Sometimes, he even brings a kiddie cup of ice cream with a wooden spoon leftover from a Super Hero themed birthday party last December to dry up your tears from losing another potential listing (commission). Turn the phone off. Time to love on the ones who love you through these days in real estate. I mean, it's just like the TV shows, right?! Look on the bright side, you have another opportunity to try again tomorrow.

Stay tuned for a day in the life of a real estate investor.       ;-)

Written BY:

Whitney Nicely is the queen of real estate in east Tennessee. She teaches women how to begin a cash flowing real estate portfolio. All Real Estate, All the Time with Whitney Nicely is THE BEST podcast to learn about flipping, flopping, listing, buying, investing and learning about real estate. Whitney shares tip, tricks and tidbits to being successful in real estate- no matter what stage of the game you’re in on her Instagram account @WhitneyBuysHouses! Ladies are welcome to join the Cash Flow Queens of Real Estate Facebook group.

Three Situations Only Realtors Will Understand

Right now I am sitting at a Starbucks in Santa Monica thinking about what to write. There are ten other trendy, overpriced coffee shops within a one mile radius of me, but I decided to go with the house of the Pumpkin Spice. The main reason I chose to work here is because there are less attractive girls at Starbucks than at "Primo Cafe or Groundworks." Honestly, I am not a huge fan of what I am wearing right now and I don't like making eye contact with hot yoga bloggers while I try to write about open houses. 

Anyway, I just went to the bathroom and didn't ask anyone to watch my computer. I looked around at the characters (mostly balding men with non-apple laptops and ugly dogs) and thought to myself, "I'm just going pee nobody will take it." Sure enough, my hypothesis was correct. This compelling event led to the creation of my topic: comparing real estate circumstances with normal, ever day situations.

1) REAL ESTATE SCENARIO:

When you let the other agent use the keys to your listing without you being there. Even though you "promised" the listing agent that you would be at every showing/inspection/etc...you decided to take the risk and let the buyer's agent do a "really quick walk through" with their client.

COMPARED TO REAL LIFE:

This is exactly like leaving your lap top unwatched at a coffee shop. You know you probably shouldn't do it, but you also know there is an extremely slim chance that something will actually happen to it. Nobody has the guts to steal your laptop....Just like nothing bad will happen at that showing...except when the buyer's agent loses your keys and then you lose the listing. 

 

2) REAL ESTATE SCENARIO: When you tell the other agent to "let you know if any offers come in." Without following up with the other agent, you find out the property is in Escrow. You get upset and in your mind you are thinking, "I told that asshole to let me know." But, in reality it is on YOU to follow up.

COMPARED TO REAL LIFE: Picture this: you are sitting at a red light looking at your phone. After scrolling through twenty memes of Kylie Jenner you notice that the light is green, and that the car across from you in the left turn lane has gone despite your right-away. You probably mutter to yourself, "what a prick."

But, in REALITY it was YOUR fault for looking at your phone while ignoring the tap-honks behind you. This situation always makes me feel a little guilty for about five seconds before I start looking at my phone again. 

 

3) REAL ESTATE SCENARIO: When a friend says: "I know someone that needs an agent and is looking for a place!" This statement without fail gives us an eargasm. But, when it is followed with: "yeah they are looking for a six month rental" it makes our heart sink. You immediately go from a thrilling rush of adrenaline to: "do I even really want to deal with this." 

COMPARED TO REAL LIFE: Again, picture this: you are sitting on your couch on Saturday night hoping that your crush will text you asking if, "you are going out." Out of nowhere, your phone makes that magical ding, lights up, and ignites your brain into a frenzy. This is it. This is her/him. Then you look at your phone and it's from your mom urging to call your uncle back. Dramatic highs and lows come with the business. They also come with life. 

What Millennials Look For In A Home

Today, Century 21 posted a blog post titled "What Millennials Look For In A Home." The article started with a generic, thoughtless blurb about millennials and their affinity for technology before concluding that "each client is different." Thank you for those blanket words of wisdom. After reading the most thoughtless paragraph ever conceived, the article attempted to list four characteristics that millennials looked for in a home with this witless diagram below:

Despite my apparent anger, I am glad that this was written because it so clearly displays the massive disconnect between generations in the real estate industry. It also shows how horribly empty some of the content is that our industry puts out. Now, as a millennial (and having sold homes/condos to millennials) I will comment on Century 21's primitive list and explain why this article should have never been written.

1) Internet connection and outlets: I am trying to make my articles a little bit more SFW but are you fucking kidding me? A home with internet connection and an abundance of outlets!? Every single person on the planet wants a home with WiFi and outlets unless they are Amish. Never in my life have I ever heard a single person say, "please find me a home with an abundance of outlets." Can you imagine even having that conversation? "Yeah I really loved the home, but I just didn't see enough places to plug in all of my shit." I am going to write that in my next property description: "Incredible location! Stunning views! 79 outlets! The fastest internet in the neighborhood!"  

2) Exercise Area:  Yes, millennials like to workout just as much as any generation. Health is a priority for all generations. In fact, most millennials that I know prefer to not have an exercise area in their house because they want/have memberships at gyms and Yoga studios. We like to get out of the house and see people. We aren't trying to scrap together a couple of Bowflex lat pull downs before we put the kids to sleep. Wrong generation.

3) Outdoor Space: Read the description in the diagram. THEY like using the word "they" like we are a bunch of brainless dogs that like to run around the grass and mark our territory. Instead of saying that we "value" our time outdoors. THEY could have at least made the argument that millennials are starting families and would potentially like outdoor space for kids. 

4) Kitchen: Oh, thanks for the advice! Now that I read this I will make sure to find my millennial buyer a place with a kitchen. They should have just continued the list and added "bathroom" and "closet" because millennials like to take shits and hang up their clothes.

Do you think anyone read this article and actually thinks they gained knowledge on the millennial home buyer? The answer is no. I can't believe the content that is being put out there. If you want to lose brain cells, here is a link to Hemingway's list: http://www.century21.com/real-estate-blog/what-millennials-look-for-in-a-home/

5 Pokemon You'll Catch In LA Real Estate

Hello, students! As your regular professor is out sick with, uh, smallpox, I’ll be your substitute. And don’t worry, I’m not any old substitute, I’m a cool substitute! Can’t you tell from my leather jacket and pack of Marlboro Reds? Yeah, I’m pretty effin’ cool.

Today we’ll cover Los Angeles commercial real estate, and more specifically, those you’ll encounter while working in the biz’. There’s truly nothing more important to me than my students’ approval, so let’s make this fun!

Los Angeles is the second largest city in the country and filled with plastic monsters, in other words, Pokémon! Considering this Pokémon Go fad will be over in a month, let’s all hop on the Poké-train and— on further note LA public transit sucks so let’s just drive. Let’s all squeeze in my 1998 red Mazda Miata and take a tour of the Pokémon you’ll find in Los Angeles commercial real estate!  

 

Pokémon: Techbrolithe

Techbrolithe is the most innovative of Pokémon! The technology they create improves life in every way imaginable, like an app that’ll quickly find you illegal day-laborers or another app that efficiently displays the best grocery stores to avoid loitering homeless people. This Pokémon is concentrated near the ocean, in an area that we in the commercial real estate biz’ like to call “Silicon Beach.” Catchy names like this ensure inflated real estate prices, which is good for us because California sure is expensive and my leased Audi only takes premium gasoline.

Techbrolithe is relatively easy to catch. First, approach one and say you’re a venture capitalist from Palo Alto with $10 million to invest. Now that you have their attention, offer them some LSD, because you know, Steve Jobs did LSD once. When they’re absolutely just tripping balls, lure them into an alley and throw a pokéball. Techbrolithe caught!

Pokémon: Random Celebrity Buyerzard

Random Celebrity Buyzerard (RCB) is looking for a smokin’ deal on their next recording studio and/or sex dungeon. Your luck on catching one in person depends on the status of celebrity, which in LA is a deeply-ingrained science that fluctuates based off the Jewish lunar calendar and Ryan Seacrest’s horoscope. I myself almost captured an RCB when touring properties in North Hollywood. (I’ll give you a hint on who it was— less famous than Jay-Z, but more famous than Honey Boo Boo. Like I said earlier, I’m pretty darn slick.) Unfortunately though, the deal fell through and I walked away empty-handed.

But you don’t have to! To catch an RCB, hang around five-star hotel lobbies and look for people wearing sunglasses indoors. They’re either one of two things:  a complete douchebag or a random celebrity! To evolve them into a random celebrity Buyerzard, simply extort them by threatening to release their sex tape to the public unless they sign an exclusive with you. Random Celebrity Buyerzard caught!

Pokémon:  Persianownerotto

Persianownerotto is a shrewd, business-savvy Pokémon who came to Los Angeles in order to flee a violent revolution. But we don’t want to hear the details of a proud Pokémon history; we want to hear baseless ethnic stereotypes! Give the people what they want, I say!

Persianownerotto is difficult to catch, but I’ve found two ways. The first is by hacking into the City of Beverly Hills traffic camera footage and looking for white BMW’s running red lights at unfathomably fast speeds. The other is to call commercial building owners and offer $1 to purchase their property. No more, no less. If they don’t hang up, and instead start to haggle, you’ve found yourself a Persianownerotto!

 

Pokémon:  Reclusivebillionairio

The flakiest of flakes in the flakiest of cities, this Pokémon will never call you back. An alpine species, they’re found along the crest of the Hollywood Hills throwing huge parties but never actually attending due to crippling social anxiety or drug-induced meltdowns. They’re the type of Pokémon that’ll pay $20,000 a month for office space because “my ferrets need privacy to mate” or buy a Del Taco in the Valley because “it’s my cheat day go-to!”

Like the Khaleesi herself, Reclusivebillionairio’s Unsullied slave army of personal assistants and walled palace with iPad controlled entertainment system (obviously) ensures they’re difficult to find in the wild. My advice is to search social media for hashtags like “#blessed” or “#NoPainNoGain”. Once you’ve found their geotagged location, use the classic Trojan horse scam by baking yourself into a giant cake. They’ll for sure bring you inside, because let’s be honest, everyone loves cake! Just before Reclusivebillionairio slices the cake with a $15,000 sword bought from Tom Cruise on the set of The Last Samurai, jump out and catch the bastard!

Pokémon:  Honestselfmadebusinessownersaur

None of those here. No Picture found. Maybe try Minneapolis?

Bear in mind, class, Los Angeles is a huge city and there’s far more people, er— Pokémon, I could stereotype into cheap jokes. Who knows, maybe I’ll make this into a reoccurring series on other cities? Maybe I’ll expand upon this before Pokémon Go becomes old and lame? Maybe I’ll quit my job as a substitute teacher and follow the LA dream of selling protein powder and teeth whitening products on Instagram?  Does anybody know where I can get my parking validated?

 

 

Written by Tommy Adelson AKA "The Country Club Broker"

Find me here: 

Twitter: @adelsont

http://www.cbre.us/o/beverlyhills/people/thomas-adelson/Pages/overview.aspx

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thomas-adelson-003ba0a3

The Do's and Don'ts of Networking

It’s exceedingly difficult to think of a douchier phrase than networking event.

Yogalates class? Close, but don’t think so.

"I only go to European music festivals, they’re way more authentic." Okay, that’s douchier. But don’t hear that one too often.

For reference, here is a European music festival...looks like an actual nightmare

Anyway, there’s a reason why many people cringe at the notion of a networking event. It conjures up notions of forced conversations, fake laughs, and circling vultures throwing out their business cards like rotten tomatoes at a Dane Cook stand-up show. But real estate is a people business. If you’re going to succeed, it helps to be a good networker. Here are some tips on how.

DO:  Head straight to the bar

Ernest Hemingway, one of America’s most prolific alcoholics, once said “I drink to make other people more interesting.” Considering your whole job at a networking event involves being interesting, Ernie hit the nail on the head with that one.

Even the most boring people and subjects can be made tolerable with a coupla’ beers. At a recent event, some lady decided to talk to me about, wait for it, her divorce. Why she decided to bring that up is beside me, but luckily I take my own advice. I had thrown back three Old Fashions, which meant I nimbly steered the topic from how shitty her ex-husband was to dating in the age of smartphone apps. Something less emotional, but still interesting. After three Old Fashions, I like to think I could successfully play charades with Helen Keller. Alcohol is the essential social lubrication, so do yourself (and the poor schmucks that have to talk to you) a favor and lube up.

DON'T:  Constantly dart your eyes around looking for someone cooler to talk to

Even if you’re swirling down the vortex of boring conversation, always keep eye contact. Quickest way to show someone you don’t care is to not make eye contact when they’re speaking. No matter how boring, at least feign interest by smiling and nodding like a dainty Southern Belle. I’d love to take a look at your live-action Zelda screenplay! Then, once you hear the faintest lull in conversation, you make your escape from conversational Alcatraz. Create some flustered excuse about needing to give your cat its glaucoma medication, walk away looking at your phone, and boom, conversation done.

DO: Network with people you think you’ll have a connection with

    Went to college? Network with your fellow alumni. Like volleyball? Join an intramural league. Love BDSM? Get your whip, throw on your assless chaps and dog collar, and meet me in Vegas for our annual conference at the MGM on December 9-12!  

DON'T:  Be boring

    Remember the 2007 show The Pickup Artist on VH1? Oh, you don’t because it was shitty and only ran for two seasons? Well, touché. For those who don’t appreciate fine television, I’ll give you the premise— a bunch of dudes who can’t get laid learn how to get laid from a guy named “Mystery” who dresses like a druggy Harry Potter. Mystery is indisputably lame, but his essential point is to seduce is to not be boring and cliché. Hence the weird wizard hat, I guess.  

The wizard hat is interesting! Having an abstract noun as a first name is interesting! (and mysterious) Although networking events aren’t cheesy reality TV dating shows, they’re similar enough. What you do is not interesting. Nobody wants to hear about the condo you just listed, unless the Queen of England was recently found using it as a meth lab.  Small talk is boring. Yes, Sepulveda is a great alternative to the 405 during rush hour. Instead, try talking about something unusual and maybe mildly controversial. Black toilets, for example. They’re disgusting and I don’t know why anyone would have one. What do you think?  

DO:  Properly vet your wingman

Learn from John McCain’s mistake— make sure you properly vet your networking event running mate. Wingmen won’t help you get business when they steal your thunder through unhinged statements about controversial social issues. If you bring a friend, make sure they possess actual human social skills and are NOT in the same business as you.

Never be afraid to go solo, either. As my great-grandmother’s tombstone reads, “who needs friends when a martini will do?!” If Justin Timberlake can take the solo plunge, so can you.

DON'T:  Network with so many friends you ignore the reason you’re there

“OMG Heather was such a bitch at Todd’s birthday party five years ago!”

You’re here to get business, okay? You’re not here to reminisce on how pissed of Heather got when she found out Todd cheated on her with Raquel, the slutty Pisces from Tampa. Go meet some strangers!

DO:  Be strategic with sexual advances

    Notice how I’m not making a bold pronouncement, here. Just… be strategic. If you look like 90’s Val Kilmer or Diane Lane in any decade (talk about aging like a fine wine!), then by all means use your looks to your advantage. Sex sells. But nothing repels people more than unwanted sexual advances, and that’s even truer at a networking event. For the love of God, don’t be a creep.

DO:  Network with people who have money

    Don’t shoot the messenger here! Rich people will need more (and cooler) real estate, so try and meet as many of them as possible. Don’t worry about if you’re not rich yourself. Go to Whole Foods beforehand and slyly drop a receipt from your pocket. Let your fellow networker see the $13 you spent on non-GMO organic almonds. The investment will be totally worth it, and now everyone will think you’re a baller.

DO: Go in looking for friends

    The most important piece of advice. People do business with their friends, so make a friend. Mention what you do, artfully say how amazing you are at selling/buying/leasing real estate, throw in a token “the market’s crazy right now!” and then just be fun. I’m always put off when people shove their business card in my face and are like “INVEST IN MY APP!” Come on, man. It’s a two-way street and   grown adults need foreplay. (Unless you’re a slutty Pisces from Tampa, of course.)


    Networking events can be intimidating because “networking” is the douchey verb for “making friends.” So don’t network, make friends. Play the long game. Have fun. Don’t be a douche.

 

 

Written by Tommy Adelson AKA "The Country Club Broker"

Find me here: 

Twitter: @adelsont

http://www.cbre.us/o/beverlyhills/people/thomas-adelson/Pages/overview.aspx

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thomas-adelson-003ba0a3

Where Should Realtors Vacation?

The Top 5 Vacation Spots for Realtors

It is summertime and the time of year that many people head out of town on vacation! Although real estate is a 365 day-a-year business, it can be a good time to travel while many clients are also taking the time to get away before kids go back to school. So, if you are in real estate, where should you head for some much deserved time off? Here are 5 great suggestions:

San Francisco

Want to see where real estate prices are at their highest right now in the US? Then head to beautiful San Francisco, CA where development has been rampant over the past few years. San Fran is a great place to relax or explore with fantastic places to eat and some of the most luxurious hotels in the nation.

 

Paris

If international travel is more your thing, consider heading to the number one most-traveled to city in the world, Paris. Home to not only beautiful architecture but some of the best art in the world, Paris is perfect for couples or families. You can spend hours roaming the streets having rose or exploring the many rooms of the Louvre.

 

Boston

Many real estate agents love the history of homes and neighborhoods and there is no better place to explore historical sites and architecture than Boston. Whether it is exploring some of the beautiful buildings in Back Bay or South End or wandering around beautiful North End, there is a magic to the city that you must experience for yourself.

 

Tahiti

Maybe you have seen enough architecture and just want to get away from it all for a while. Tahiti offers some of the most stunning beaches in the world and is only an 8 hour flight from Los Angeles. Consider renting one of the over-the-water huts in Bora Bora for a unique experience that takes luxury to the next level.

 

Stockholm

In the heart of the Baltic, Sweden is one of the most serene places in the world with simple Scandinavian architecture that has beautiful lines and creative floor plans. As a real estate agent, many enjoy not only the tourist spots in town like the Vasa Museum but also just taking in the many unique neighborhoods around town.

 

 

Written by Gregory Kiep

With over ten years of experience in real estate marketing, Gregory has worked with top firms in Boston and Cincinnati, where he was raised. After completing his MBA at Xavier University, Gregory entered the world of real estate and successfully earned top Realtor awards for sales his first few years. Transitioning to a marketing role, he has worked in content and social marketing, SEO, web development, and branding for top firms around the country. He is currently the director of marketing at Charlesgate Realty. You can find out more about him at GregoryKiep.com or follow him on LinkedIn or Facebook.

An Extremely Ambiguous Guide to Acquiring Clients

Back in 1976 when I started Apple Computer with Steve Jobs, he used to constantly tell me “the modern corporation is like a crab.” He’d continue, “If the crab is achieving its goals—whether it’s eating fifteen small fish a day or singing a perfectly-tuned ‘Under the Sea’ in a Jamaican accent— then it’s going to grow and need a new shell.” Steve was right; and we were quickly growing out of my parents’ garage! Luck would have it that only a few days prior, we had received a call from a man purporting to be a “commercial real estate broker specializing in representing high-growth tech companies.” (He found us a flexible short-term sublease with a large tenant improvement allowance and even some free rent!) His charisma and professionalism made me realize something. I didn’t want to build world-changing technology; I wanted to be an office broker! The rest, as they say, is history.

Although my close pal Steve never came close to my level of success, he was onto something with his dumb little crab metaphor. Crabs, like companies, need a place to call home. But in a crab-eat-crab world like ours—fuck it— this metaphor is done.

We in the real estate world survive off commission. If eating regularly is something important to you, then you constantly need new clients. Doesn’t matter how good you are at your job, without clients, there is no job. Meaning put on your tailored suit, lease that BMW you can’t afford, and start hittin’ the phones, baby!  We’re gonna get some business!

An old school broker would tell you, after a loud clear of the throat so you know how grizzled and experienced they are, “Now look here, buddy boy! Hit the phones all day, every day and don’t stop ‘til you get a goddamned meeting!”

I’m not going to tell you that. I’m not going to list:  1- cold call, 2- canvass, and so on. No matter what I write, I’m not exactly breaking any hard-hitting news here. I’m a cool, millennial broker, smoother than Justin Beiber’s hairless chest. I’m with the times. I’ll instead give you a guide that’s vague enough where you can’t refute its veracity, but specific enough where you’ll say to yourself “Ha! So true! Let me tag some of my friends in this!” 21st century America for ya.

1. Be likeable

As the French would say, le duh. This may be the most obvious tip I could possibly give, but it’s still worth saying. Unless you’re Martin Shkreli or Heidi & Spencer from The Hills, being likeable is an essential asset to your brand. Nobody wants to be stuck touring office space for hours with a pompous d-bag. To be sure, there are some unlikeable schlubs in commercial real estate. But either they’re savants who can draw an exact zoning map of LA County by memory or went to USC.

2. Stay true to yourself!

The cheesiest, most Disney BS I’ve ever uttered, but it’s true. Just because it works for Joe Schmo doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. Señor Schmo may be a quick thinker with a voice like Morgan Freeman, so it’s a safe bet to assume he’s a solid cold caller. On the other hand, if you have a thick Boston accent and live in Miami, cold calling may not be your best bet. Nobody likes a Boston accent outside New England, unless you’re a Kennedy or Matt Damon, of course. Instead, canvassing or attending a boatload of networking events may prove more fruitful. You’re bound to find a Pats fan in South Florida somewhere! In short— be you and use whatever talents you have to get business.

3. Don’t be a weird drunk

This is the hard-hitting advice you won’t find in a Tony Robbins self-help book. When I say weird, I don’t mean saying slightly inappropriate jokes. Hell, I eat that shit up! I mean more along the lines of saying “your daughter’s hot” to the CFO of a company you’re chasing. We’re professionals, people, come on. Schmoozing over drinks with potential clients or colleagues is as a time-honored real estate tradition, so for your own sake, make sure you keep it tight. To use another unnecessary animal metaphor, always try to be the dog with the wagging tail, not the one dragging its ass on the carpet. (If you don’t drink, just cross out the words “a” and “drunk” and you’re set.)

4. Be a part of an organization

Like reading? Join a book club. Like riding loud motorcycles through residential streets? Fuck yourself! But then join a motorcycle gang; you might meet some cool people. Play golf? Well, my friend, you’ve hit the jackpot. Successful business folk love playing golf (arguably they love talking about playing golf even more, but that’s neither here nor there). Put yourself out there and meet some people! Nobody cares how you do it. Be authentic, make some friends, and money will start falling out of the sky like acid rain in Beijing!    

5. Don’t write blog posts

You’ll never get business that way. Don’t try it. It’s stupid. 

There you go. Vague, but slightly inspirational. Extremely arbitrary, but uplifting? Whatever. Real estate’s a people business, so just use some common sense and (hopefully) you’ll be fine. Just remember what my old pal Steve Jobs used to say, “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.”

 

Written by Tommy Adelson AKA "The Country Club Broker"

Find me here: 

Twitter: @adelsont

http://www.cbre.us/o/beverlyhills/people/thomas-adelson/Pages/overview.aspx

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thomas-adelson-003ba0a3

Top Ten Cocktails For Real Estate Agents

Real estate agents work very hard and deal with a wide array of emotions on a day to day basis. Sometimes, it’s an hour by hour basis!  Sometimes, we need a little something to unwind, or to perk up, or to celebrate, or to drown our sorrows in. Basically, there’s always a reason for an agent to need a drink, so here’s the top ten list of drinks for real estate agents.. Drink responsibly!

1. The Broker Blues - The time when you don’t have any pending deals. You’re feeling sorry for yourself and wondering why the hell you work in real estate.

Ingredients:

½ oz. Blue Curaco

½ oz. Vodka

A squeeze of lime juice

Shake with ice and strain into a shot gloss.  Repeat, as necessary.

 

2. The New Listing Lemondrop - When you get a new listing and you’re feeling your inner Superhero coming back, baby!

Ingredients:

1 ½ oz. Vodka

½ oz. Triple Sec

1 tsp. sugar

1 tsp. lemon juice

Maraschino cherry

Mix Vodka,Triple Sec,sugar,and lemon juice in a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice; shake well until sugar is well blended. Pour strained liquor into sugar-rimmed martini glass and don’t forget to garnish with a cherry on top!  Note: To create a sugar-rimmed glass, take a lemon wedge and rub the rim of the glass. Dip the edge of the glass into superfine sugar.

 

3. The Red Hot Realtor - You’re dominating the market. You have homes flying off the streets and clients lining up wanting your help. You’re on fire! This drink is simple, because you don’t have time to make anything complicated.

Ingredients:

1 8oz. glass of 7-up

1 shot of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky


 

4. The All-Nighter - You’ve had a long day. You spent hours on the phone and computer pulling comps, setting up showings and answering calls and emails. You have offers to respond to and draft, and you know you’ll be up late tonight. The All-Nighter drink has your back. It’s also simple and knows you don’t have the time to measure and bust out a ton of ingredients.

Ingredients:

Red Bull Energy Drink

1 shot of Captain Morgan’s spiced rum

1 shot of orange juice


 

5. The Home Wrecker - The day the inspection or appraisal kills the deal. You need something STRONG!  Also called the Long Island Iced Tea, this is one of the strongest and most alcoholic drinks ever created. It’s also delicious. It also helps take away your anger, bitterness, and extreme sorrow!

Ingredients:

1 shot of vodka

1 shot of rum

1 shot of tequila

1 shot of gin

1 shot of triple sec

1 lemon wedge

Coke

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add the spirits and the juice from a squeezed lemon and shake like hell. Pour into a tall glass, add ice and slowly pour the coke on top of the ice. The less coke you add, the better you will feel.

 

6.  The Double Agent Dance - This is when you’re acting as both the listing agent and buyer's agent. You know you have a lot of work ahead of you, and that it requires a delicate dance. This drink is also known as The Dancing Goldfish.

Ingredients:

1 bottle of white wine (chardonnay or white zinfandel are best)

12 oz. of 7-Up

12 oz. Peach Schnapps

1 can of mandarin oranges

Over ice and in a large pitcher, pour in wine and peach schnapps. Stir in mandarin oranges and 7-Up.  Serve in tall glass with ice and watch the fishes dance!  Keep refilling to keep the fishes alive!

 

7. The Orgasm - When you’ve worked so long and so hard, and given all you can, and you finally get the satisfaction of a job well done. The build-up has been intense, and then… you get an OFFER!  You explode with relief!!  Also known as a Screaming Orgasm (if the offer was all cash or over asking)! There’s no better feeling in the world. ;)

Ingredients:

1 oz. Bailey’s

1 oz. Kahlua

1 oz. Vodka

1 oz. Amaretto

Makes one shot.  Can be doubled for a Multiple Orgasm.  


 

8.  The Hail Mary - When you have a deal hanging by a thread and you need that one last burst of energy or negotiation super power to get the deal done. This is when you need your Hail Mary, also known as a Bloody Mary.  

 

Ingredients:

1 ½ oz. vodka

3 oz. tomato juice

1 tbsp. lemon juice

½ tsp. worcestershire sauce

3 drops of tabasco sauce

½ tbsp. horseradish

salt, pepper

Mix everything together and pour into a tall glass.  Garnish with lemon or lime wedge, celery stalk, green onion, pickled green bean, rotisserie chicken or anything you have laying around the kitchen.

 

9. The Superman - It’s closing day! You did your job, did it very well, and made it look easy. You finally got your hard-earned paycheck and saved the world for your client. You feel like a Superhero, and if this isn’t your drink of choice, then a beer will never taste better than after a closing! Cheers!

Ingredients:

1/2 oz Stoli Blueberi vodka

1/2 oz Absolut vanilla vodka

1/2 oz Bacardi white rum

1/2 oz Malibu coconut rum

1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur

1 1/2 oz pineapple juice

Cranberry Juice

Sprite

Fill shaker with ice and add all of the alcoholic ingredients and pineapple juice and shake till frothy. Pour mixture into a tall glass, then add a quick pour of Sprite and top with a splash of cranberry juice. This will layer red, white, and blue into the glass and will rejuvenate your super-hero powers!

 

10. Love Potion - When your happy clients refer you to a friend or family member and you get to start all over again, and your love for the wacky world of real estate is renewed.

Ingredients:

1 oz Grey Goose Vodka

1 oz amaretto almond liqueur

1 oz peach schnapps

1 oz orange juice

1 oz cranberry juice


Pour ingredients into a shaker with ice, shake and serve on the rocks. Now get to work and go party!

 

 

Written by Sarah D'Hondt!

Follow her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SarahMDHondt?fref=ts

Follower her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sarahdrealtor

Realtor Steps Outside For Cigarette, Lights House On Fire

Losing a listing can be a huge hit to a realtor's psyche, reputation, and pocket book. It is common for a seller to switch real estate agents if their house does not sell in the time frame of the listing agreement. Sometimes the realtor does a poor job at marketing the property and other times the house is just overpriced. Neither situation was the case for Jason Bruce, a 34-year-old real estate salesman in Cincinnati. During a general inspection, Jason stepped out to the backyard to have a cigarette. "I only smoke when I'm drinking or if I'm stressed," Jason claimed. "I had a showing across town and the inspector was taking forever. I thought I might have to push back my appointment, so I decided to rip a heater." According to the Cincinnati Fire Department, Jason flicked his cigarette into some native foliage that flowed into the wooden deck out back. After his smoke, Jason went upstairs and ended up having a lengthy conversation about the air conditioning unit with the inspector. "I had no idea what the hell he was even talking about. He went on for like an hour about the dirty filter or some sh** and before I knew it the den was in flames," said Jason. The pair immediately called the fire department, but it was too late. The house burnt to the ground in less than two hours as the firemen managed to save the guest house. Nobody was injured. The seller has remained silent, but is taking legal action on Jason, who blamed the incident on the inspector. It is safe to say that Jason will not be getting an extension on the listing agreement. 

The Realtor's Dictionary

Webster probably invented the dictionary. Then along came Merriam and these two companies have provided us the standard book of word definitions forever. Sometime within the 20th century, the Urban Dictionary was born and added some color to our already-complicated, multi-faceted language which includes slang, ebonics, profanity, and a whole lot of made-up words that people think are real words.

Oddly enough, none of these resources accurately describe a few important words pertaining to real estate. Words, mind you, that Realtors use on a daily basis. Therefore, some tweakage is definitely necessary (btw, “tweakage”is verified by Urban Dictionary as a real word!).

I present to you: THE REALTOR’S DICTIONARY.

 

APPRAISAL

The act of an appraiser revealing what the home is worth. This person, in less than one hour, can make or break the sale of the home for clients that you’ve invested countless months of time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears on. Waiting for an appraisal report is the longest and most stressful time in a real estate transaction. Copious amounts of alcohol may be consumed during this timeframe.

 

 

BROKER

Person who owns the brokerage, or office, in which you hang your real estate license. The Broker is not to be confused with a boss since Realtors are self-employed. However, the Broker mimics the role of a boss by implementing office policies and procedures, and Agents pay the Broker monthly or out of each earned commission check. The Broker is who cuts a Realtor’s paycheck, so I guess they technically are the boss.

 

 

BUYER

Person who wants to buy a house. This is pretty much everyone, so Realtors must classify them into categories such as; Unqualified, Lookie-Loo, or Ready-Willing-Able. See individual definitions below.

 

CLIENT

Person who signs an agreement with a Realtor to represent them as a “Buyers Agent” or “Seller’s Agent”. Once the agreement is signed, Clients tend to become emotional, impatient, excited, nervous, ecstatic and a bit mentally unstable for the duration of time in which the sale is commenced. This is completely normal.

 

CLOSING

The day the sale of a home becomes official. This is the day when the months of hard-work, sleepless nights, and endless streams of communication end (for this particular client). This is the day the Realtor gets their long-awaited and much deserved paycheck, which is then stripped of its dignity when broker fees are deducted, and MLS fees, marketing costs, state and federal taxes are subtracted. Sometimes a Realtor’s paycheck equates to that of a part-time cashier at Walmart.

 

 

COMMISSION

The non-negotiable amount of money, which may vary from Realtor to Realtor, that he/she will earn on a sale. Anyone trying to lower this should expect very bad things to happen to them, so don’t even think about it. Would you try to negotiate payment with the brain surgeon about to remove the mass in your head that’s making you think such ridiculousness? Uhh, no. To be clear, commissions are never fixed at a certain rate within a market (that’s a big no-no, and illegal), but again, what a Realtor charges you is generally non-negotiable.

 

 

COMPS

Short for “comparables” and what Realtors rely on to accurately price a home for sale. An appraiser also uses comps to verify the home is priced right, and notoriously uses the lowest selling comp on the street in their appraisal report.


 

CON-ED

Short for Continuing Education and is a state requirement that all Realtors obtain a mandatory amount of training. No one really enjoys going to Con-Ed, but we love to brag about how much we learned. Usually we spend a lot of time on our phones and pay just enough attention to pass the test.

 


 

CO-OP AGENT

The other agent involved in the real estate transaction, and often times, is a good-for-nothing, rude, clueless, uncooperative waste of space...but you stay professional so you can get the damn sale closed.

 

FSBO (Pronounced, “Fizzbo”)

The acronym of “For Sale By Owner” and is a Realtor’s arch nemesis. Any person trying to FSBO is claiming they can do the same job as a Realtor, even when they aren’t a Realtor, and they have no clue of the dozens of things Realtors do for a living. Most times a FSBO will over-price their home, feel overwhelmed with all the calls, emails, and showing requests they may receive, and become a miserable person wishing they hired a Realtor in the first place. Most FSBO’s are too cheap, and assume it costs them a lot of money to hire a Realtor, when in actuality, hiring one will save them money and time!



 

HOME-OWNERSHIP

The greatest thing on earth.

LENDER

The financial institution that lends money to a buyer to purchase a home. Some lenders have no credibility and don’t take the time to verify the buyer’s assets and income and issue bogus “pre-qualification” letters, which lead to weeks of wasted time, headaches, and broken hearts when the buyers find out they can’t buy their dream home after all. An experienced Realtor can help guide buyers to a legit lender, and refer them to a hard-working loan officer who will do their job right.

 

LOOKIE-LOO

A buyer who has nothing better to do than waste a Realtor’s time to go look at houses they aren’t going to buy. This is what the internet is for. And open houses.

 

OPEN HOUSE

An event where a Realtor will allow showings on one of their listings and keep it open to the public for an allocated amount of time. Most open houses welcome in nosey neighbors, competing neighbors wanting to list their homes for sale (but see yours first), lots of lookie-loos and people with nothing better to do. Open houses are often a complete waste of time and will rarely sell the house, but they can generate buyer leads to the Realtor hosting it. There’s also food and liquor there, so that helps kill the time.

 

 

PINTEREST

The website that allows for virtual hoarding, idea-collecting and sharing. Everyone with a Pinterest account has a board devoted to their dream house, so the website is very real estate related and a great resource for getting ideas and posting links about all things real estate. Also, for the world’s greatest cheesecake recipe, 1001 things to make with wine corks and wood palettes, and how to lose 20 lbs. while eating cheesecake and drinking wine.

 

 

PRE-APPROVAL

The glorious document issued from a loan officer of a credible lender that gives a buyer the permission to start home shopping. Without the pre-approval, there is no point showing homes to these buyers, as it’s a waste of everyone’s time. Do not confuse this with a “Pre-Qualification,” as that document means nothing and is basically all the lies the buyer told the loan officer about his credit and income, and nothing was verified.

 

 

READY-WILLING-ABLE

A buyer who’s received their pre-approval letter and has been promoted to first priority on a Realtor’s radar.

 

REALTOR

See “Super Hero”

 

 

SCHEDULE

Subject to change, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Basically, a Realtor doesn’t have a schedule and is a multi-taking maniac with super-human time-management skills. Realtors eat schedules for breakfast.

 

 

SELLER

Person who wants to sell their home. Often times, this person feels their home is worth millions of dollars and doesn’t care that neighborhood comps have sold for less. Sellers often hold an inaccurate, inflated sense of their home’s value because of its updated kitchen knobs, newly painted bathroom, or freshly planted pansies. Sellers also believe everything they see or hear on HGTV and think their $50,000 kitchen remodel will result in them making double of what they paid.

 

SHORT SALE

Anything but short. See also; pain in the ass, headache, not worth my time.

 

 

SHOWING

When an agent requests to see a home you have for sale, and schedules an allocated time frame in which they will arrive at the home with their buyers. Many times, they are late, early, or don’t show up at all.

 

SUPER HERO

See “Realtor”

 

 

VACATION

Error -- definition not found. Realtors don’t participate in whatever this is.

ZILLOW

The website loathed by many Realtors because of inaccurate “zestimates” and outdated property data. Realtors spend lots of time explaining to their clients why this website is not a valid source of information, constantly ripping it apart or making jokes about it… then will ask them for a good recommendation to add to their Zillow profile once a home closes.

Written by Sarah D'Hondt!

Follow her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SarahMDHondt?fref=ts

Follower her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sarahdrealtor

The Commercial Side of Real Estate: Introducing "The Country Club Broker"

The Country Club Broker vs The Broke Agent

    I, like the eponymous Broke Agent, work in the exciting world that is Los Angeles real estate. I cold-call, I tour around clients, I negotiate deals, I cry myself to sleep at night when my clients jerk me around like a cheap Bangkok hooker. You know, the usual. This is not to say I don’t love my clients, I do! I wouldn’t be in real estate if I didn’t like people. But as any successful real estate professional knows, serving the client to the best of your ability is the name of the game.

“Mr. Smith how’s it--- you’d like me to steal a baby panda from the San Diego Zoo?” Next thing you know I’m driving a bamboo-filled U-Haul down the 5.

Ignoring my weird digression into the client-focused nature of real estate, my practice of the time-honored tradition of selling and renting plots of land differs from your smooth talkin’ Brit on Million Dollar Listing. That’s because I work on the opposite side of the real estate coin, the commercial real estate side.

Oh what’s that, dear reader? You know exactly what commercial real estate entails because you’re not an idiot? Well, congratulations! That means you’re one of the 27 people in this city who’s aware of the fact that I do not, in fact, sell houses. Meaning I unfortunately won’t be much help in putting your Studio City bungalow to market. I’ll leave that to my dear friend The Broke Agent. I’m the Country Club Broker, and I’ll help YOU in finding some mofuckin’ office space.

As I’m a millennial who’s well-aware of the fact that none of you reading this have any sort of attention span, I’ve compiled a Buzzfeed-style list of three main differences between a Broke Agent and a Country Club Broker:

1: We’re brokers, not agents

Let’s start with some basic nomenclature, shall we? Those who deal in commercial real estate transactions— whether it’s office, industrial, retail— are referred to as “brokers.” I’m digressing a bit (the rare millennial without my own Adderall ‘script), but technically all real estate professionals are (at least initially) classified as salespersons. All of us drive out to some nondescript strip mall to take some BS government-issued test so we can make a real estate deal with some schmuck a few months later. But while a residential salesperson is an “agent”, we in the commercial real estate world call ourselves “brokers.” Being a broker means we’re able to uphold an aura of superiority contrasting us with our shallow, Phil Dunphy agent brethren. “Broker” elevates our profession to a Wall Street-level type of respectability, if that’s even a thing anymore. But since all real estate professionals are mindless people-pleasers with fake tans and veneers that are far too big for our mouths, it’s easier to say it’s just an ego thing.

2: Commercial real estate is more about the bottom line, rather than emotion

Residential real estate is a far more emotional game. After all, a realtor’s clients are looking for an emotional attachment to their new home. “THIS is the kitchen in which you’ll drunkenly microwave bagel bites after 7 vodka sodas. THIS is the bathroom you’ll vomit said bagels bites and vodka sodas in.” — and so on. As commercial real estate brokers, our main talking point is often improving a business’ bottom line. This is not to say residential agents ignore costs, or commercial brokers ignore emotion. Because trust me, buddy, I’m emotional. I teared up at The Jungle Book preview! Not even the actual movie, but the two minute long preview. And milk it for all it’s worth I do. With millennials demanding ping pong tables and bean bag chairs and petting zoos, emotion is becoming far more prevalent when deciding on office space. But as Gordon Gekko or Professor Snape or any other hard-ass business man will tell you, money is money and the bottom line matters.

3: Commercial real estate isn’t as sexy

There’s a reason for the existence of HGTV and shows like Million Dollar Listing. They’re sexy, that’s why! The granite countertops! The tight suits! The crown molding! Shit’s hot! On the other hand, there’s a reason why shows like Million Dollar Office Lease don’t exist. Most offices are pretty nondescript— cubicles, perimeter offices, a kitchenette so Patricia can microwave some leftover Chicken Vindaloo and stink up the whole 7th floor. Try to imagine a couple of fat white guys in suits measuring out space for a server room. Doesn’t sound too visually appealing, right?

(Side note— if there are any producers out here looking for a commercial real estate show, feel free to give me a call. My parents didn’t spend $1,000 on orthodontic braces for nothing.)

With that, dear readers, I hope I leave you somewhat more enlightened. Mind you, I occupy only a subset of the wide, wide world of commercial real estate (office tenant representation, in case you’re wondering). There’re a lot more types of brokers out there. Some lease warehouse space, some sell Taco Bell’s, and some sit at their computer trying to be funny when they should be cold-calling (who’s laughing now, Dad?!). Real estate’s a big world with a lot of opinions, I just happen to believe mine are more interesting.

    Stay tuned for my next post, folks! 

 

 

Tommy Adelson AKA "The Country Club Broker"

Find me here: 

 

http://www.cbre.us/o/beverlyhills/people/thomas-adelson/Pages/overview.aspx

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thomas-adelson-003ba0a3

 

Episode 1: The Open House Car Crash & The High Anxiety Buyer

Week 1: Podcast with Dusty Baker Review

As some of you may know I started a podcast this week called "Caravan Confessions." The goal of the podcast is for real estate professionals across the country to share their crazy stories with the rest of the world. So far, I have interviewed five people from across the country and have heard stories about sex dungeons, frozen sewage pipes, seizures, etc... I don't want to spoil the rest. My point is that someone needed to capture the insanity that takes place in this industry and I thought a podcast would attempt to do it justice. Every week I am going to release a new episode on Tuesday mornings and then I will write a review on Thursdays detailing what the hell I would do in these situations. 

Our guest this week was a young realtor in Santa Barbara named Dusty Baker. I actually have met Dusty at multiple real estate conferences and have always been envious of his sales volume, six foot five frame, and perfect amount of scruff.

 

See what I'm saying? My beard, despite constant grooming and Youtube tutorials will never look like his. However, I do not envy what has happened to him in real estate. He told two stories: the first being about a car crashing into his broker's open, and other about a buyer who should be a character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. 

Story 1: The Open House Car Crash Synopsis: Dusty was sitting an open house on a pleasant Tuesday (I think) when he heard a massive crash in the front driveway. To his surprise, some moron crashed is brand new SUV into Dusty's listing destroying some shrubbery and a light fixture.

What Dusty Did: Dusty calmly handled the situation and apologized to his seller. He offered to the pay damages (ended up being $50 dollars). The seller, who is a nice lady refused Dusty's offer and expected the idiot realtor to pay. The idiot refused and claimed that it was "ridiculous to ask for money." The situations got settled because Dusty handled it and the seller is again...a nice lady.

What I would have done: Dusty handled the situation like a professional and did everything he could to get the money from the idiot. However, I think Dusty could have been a little bit more forceful. I would make a Craiglist post in the idiot broker's name saying that he is giving away two free puppies and then I would list his phone number. After receiving a million phone calls he would eventually pay the money to have the add taken down. 

Story 2: The High Anxiety Buyer Synopsis: Dusty had a buyer who needed the temperature in his car to be 71 degrees. He also needed to stand on level ground at all times and would refuse to buy a home because a fence wasn't big enough to detain a fox from hopping over and devouring his grandchildren. He also didn't want to build in an area with a woodpecker because it is an endangered species. 

 

What Dusty Did: Dusty handled it professionally, and facilitated most of the man's psychotic requests. However, Dusty eventually had enough and told the guy to take a hike...on level ground.

What I would have done: I would have shot the woodpecker to pieces on site and told him to write an offer.  

There you have it. Instead of reading all of that, you really should just listen to the podcast it's actually pretty good. Also, while you are at it subscribe, share it, review it, and leave a friendly comment about how entertaining it was. That's all I ask. Have a great week. Go get tan. 

In the inaugural episode of Caravan Confessions, Dusty Baker joins the show to share a few stories including a car crash and a high anxiety buyer.

Click to Subscribe: http://apple.co/2ahK22Q

 

 

 

Ten Reasons Real Estate Agents Drink Part 2

1) Because your buyer of over a year went with "the listing agent" while you were out of town for the weekend

2) Because you were late on MLS dues and got a parking ticket during a showing

3) Because you spelled the name wrong of a potential client in an important email

 

4) Because you walked in on your client in bed with the maid

5) Because the other agent won't stop using the word: "man cave"

6) Because the house alarm went off during one of your showings today

7) Because your buyer just financed a new car

 

8) Because your seller texted you at 2AM for an update

9) Because you are sore from falling through the window of your vacant listing after you forgot the lockbox code

10) Because you closed the hardest deal of your life and you need to spend your entire commission on bottle service tonight

Sell More Homes With Pokemon Go?

The newest trend hitting mobile devices this past week has averaged more daily usage than Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp and most other applications. It is, of course, the vastly talked about Pokémon Go. If you don’t know about it yet, you will, but the main idea behind the game is the placement of digital Pokémon throughout a map interface that users can walk around and collect and eventually train and fight at locations called “Pokémon Gyms.” People are exploring communities in a way that they may not have before and interacting with other users around town in a fun, creative way.

 

So how can this trend help agents do more business in real estate?

Simply put, playing off of fads that are hot in the news currently is a great way to drive traffic to your blog by creating content that is tied to it. The concept is newsjacking which is the process in which you inject your business/ideas into breaking news in order to generate traffic or media coverage for your business. Finding creative and clever ways to take things that people are talking about (and searching for) and putting a spin that relates it to your business can result in a lot of online traction.

Here are just a few ideas agents can use the Pokémon Go phenomenon in their real estate marketing practice:

 

  • Use number of “PokeStops” and “PokeGyms” in the area as part of your listing description.

  • Offer neighborhood outlines that showcase some of the hot “PokeStops” in the area.

  • Make a Top 10 list of places you can find unique Pokémon in your town.

  • Beef up your listing descriptions with playful Pokémon related terms.

  • Map the “PokeStops” in proximity to your listing similar to a Walkability Score


Get creative and think of ways to take trends like Pokémon Go and relate them to your business and increase your brand.

 

 

 

Written by Gregory Kiep

With over ten years of experience in real estate marketing, Gregory has worked with top firms in Boston and Cincinnati, where he was raised. After completing his MBA at Xavier University, Gregory entered the world of real estate and successfully earned top Realtor awards for sales his first few years. Transitioning to a marketing role, he has worked in content and social marketing, SEO, web development, and branding for top firms around the country. He is currently the director of marketing at Charlesgate Realty. You can find out more about him at GregoryKiep.com or follow him on LinkedIn or Facebook.

Why I Should Be Your Agent (A Poem)

WHY I SHOULD BE YOUR AGENT

 

You are a choosing a realtor so who will it be?

Let me give you some reasons why you should pick me

I’m young and I’m fun I drink coffee and tea

I can talk about sports I can talk about Glee

 

I will answer my phone every time that you call

I will pick up your dog's poop and your kids at the mall

That’s not really true it was said for the rhyme

See I’m honest and real I’m a dozen a dime

 

The market I know like the back of my hand

I’ll go to war for your offer and I’ll fight for your land

I have a network of clients always looking to buy

With a plan and a drone always ready to fly

 

But your friend and your cousin are licensed as well?

And the last agent you worked with put you through hell?

Well you could choose him or you could pick she

But I know you can see that the right choice is me!

 

How To Pick Up Leads At The Gym

The gym can be a great resource for real estate agents to pick up leads. Can you imagine anything better than getting a pump, an overpriced protein smoothie, and a new buyer all in the same place? I certainly can't. But, how do you do this? How do you interrupt someone's workout to tell them you are in real estate? How do you start a conversation without a fifth of vodka in your system with a complete stranger wearing headphones? You have to be subtle, timely, and confident. More importantly, you have to listen to follow these techniques.  

Be there early in the morning or late at night: First off, you are delusional if you think you are going to pick up a lead at noon on a Wednesday. Not only are there less people at the gym, but the people you do talk to will think you are doing zero business because you are doing calf presses in the middle of the day. So, make sure you are there before 9AM or after 6PM. Nobody wants to work with someone who isn't busy.

Ask for a spot:

One of the best ways to start a conversation at the gym is to ask for a spot. Go straight to the bench press (like you were going to do anyway) and ask someone to spot you or work in. Now that you have them cornered, bring up your occupation and force them to sell their home.

Drop your keys: If you drive a nice car, "accidentally" drop your keys while you are bending over to adjust the incline bench seat. This will show you are moderately successful. They don't know it's a lease. This will spark people's interest and make them curious about what you do. 

Talk on the phone real loud about business:

Hover around the tricep machine and scream on the phone about a current transaction. This will show everyone how busy and important you are. 

Wear your real estate name tag: Just kidding don't.

Wear a estate related shirt: Wait, where do I get a real estate related shirt? Keller Williams doesn't have red tank tops? Obviously you buy this shirt/tank top and wear it literally everywhere. Click on my shop: http://www.thebrokeagent.com/shop/yeah-im-in-real-estate-tee

 

Join Equinox:

You want to rep buyers not renters right? Eat the $200 a month and write it off as a business expense. Spend the majority of your time in the sauna talking to naked men and women about how good it is to get rid of the toxins in your body. After providing them with a little nutritional value, you can then begin your sales pitch. Also, according to this photo you can meet elves which is also pretty cool. I always wanted to speak Elvish.

There you have it. Now, go to the gym, drop your Honda keys, and get some listings!