Five Places In Your Phone Where Leads Are Hiding

1) Facebook Messenger

You know what the laziest move in real estate history is? Setting your Facebook Status to: "If anyone is looking to buy or sell, contact me to be your agent!" Everyone is guilty of this. So, take your laziness one step further and spend an hour direct messaging your "friends" on Facebook. It feels a little more personal and can actually be a great lead generation tool. Also, the "seen" feature makes it more difficult for your "friends" to ignore you. Get a dialogue going and ask them if they know anyone in the market. There's got to be at least one lead amongst those high school classmates that you haven't talked to eight years. 

 

2) Dating Apps

I have said this before. But, you can literally swipe on random people in a certain mile radius of your choice! Plus, I "heard" there is now a "make friends" feature on a lot of these dating apps. This is literally free marketing.  Swipe on everyone and come up with a clever lead slash/pick-up line. Something like: "you may not fall in love with me, but you will fall in love with the home I can find you." Something not like that actually. 

 

3) Your Contacts

When is the last time you actually went through all of your contacts on your phone and texted everyone an update of what you are doing. Probably never. Send a quick update to everyone in your phone that lets them know you are in real estate or maybe at a new brokerage. Most people will probably not respond, but at least you now put your name in their heads. 

4) Your Old Coworkers

If you are like the majority of real estate agents, selling homes was not your first job. Hopefully, you developed decent relationships with a few people at the places you used to work. Look through your old emails and reach out to all your old coworkers and tell them why you quit the 9-5 life to work 80 hours a week as a realtor! 

 

5) Search Hashtags On Instagram

Pretty simple. Search the following hashtags on Instagram and start sliding into their DM's:

#divoredlife

#divorce

#divorcedmom

#divorceddad

#newlyweds

#expecting

#newbaby 

For those who don't understand the social slang... you should direct message people in your area that are using these hashtags. People that are getting divorced are selling their homes. People that are having babies tend to buy new homes. Savage? Yes. But, it is also genius and I guarantee you nobody has ever done it. 

 

Where Should Realtors Vacation?

The Top 5 Vacation Spots for Realtors

It is summertime and the time of year that many people head out of town on vacation! Although real estate is a 365 day-a-year business, it can be a good time to travel while many clients are also taking the time to get away before kids go back to school. So, if you are in real estate, where should you head for some much deserved time off? Here are 5 great suggestions:

San Francisco

Want to see where real estate prices are at their highest right now in the US? Then head to beautiful San Francisco, CA where development has been rampant over the past few years. San Fran is a great place to relax or explore with fantastic places to eat and some of the most luxurious hotels in the nation.

 

Paris

If international travel is more your thing, consider heading to the number one most-traveled to city in the world, Paris. Home to not only beautiful architecture but some of the best art in the world, Paris is perfect for couples or families. You can spend hours roaming the streets having rose or exploring the many rooms of the Louvre.

 

Boston

Many real estate agents love the history of homes and neighborhoods and there is no better place to explore historical sites and architecture than Boston. Whether it is exploring some of the beautiful buildings in Back Bay or South End or wandering around beautiful North End, there is a magic to the city that you must experience for yourself.

 

Tahiti

Maybe you have seen enough architecture and just want to get away from it all for a while. Tahiti offers some of the most stunning beaches in the world and is only an 8 hour flight from Los Angeles. Consider renting one of the over-the-water huts in Bora Bora for a unique experience that takes luxury to the next level.

 

Stockholm

In the heart of the Baltic, Sweden is one of the most serene places in the world with simple Scandinavian architecture that has beautiful lines and creative floor plans. As a real estate agent, many enjoy not only the tourist spots in town like the Vasa Museum but also just taking in the many unique neighborhoods around town.

 

 

Written by Gregory Kiep

With over ten years of experience in real estate marketing, Gregory has worked with top firms in Boston and Cincinnati, where he was raised. After completing his MBA at Xavier University, Gregory entered the world of real estate and successfully earned top Realtor awards for sales his first few years. Transitioning to a marketing role, he has worked in content and social marketing, SEO, web development, and branding for top firms around the country. He is currently the director of marketing at Charlesgate Realty. You can find out more about him at GregoryKiep.com or follow him on LinkedIn or Facebook.

Top Ten Cocktails For Real Estate Agents

Real estate agents work very hard and deal with a wide array of emotions on a day to day basis. Sometimes, it’s an hour by hour basis!  Sometimes, we need a little something to unwind, or to perk up, or to celebrate, or to drown our sorrows in. Basically, there’s always a reason for an agent to need a drink, so here’s the top ten list of drinks for real estate agents.. Drink responsibly!

1. The Broker Blues - The time when you don’t have any pending deals. You’re feeling sorry for yourself and wondering why the hell you work in real estate.

Ingredients:

½ oz. Blue Curaco

½ oz. Vodka

A squeeze of lime juice

Shake with ice and strain into a shot gloss.  Repeat, as necessary.

 

2. The New Listing Lemondrop - When you get a new listing and you’re feeling your inner Superhero coming back, baby!

Ingredients:

1 ½ oz. Vodka

½ oz. Triple Sec

1 tsp. sugar

1 tsp. lemon juice

Maraschino cherry

Mix Vodka,Triple Sec,sugar,and lemon juice in a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice; shake well until sugar is well blended. Pour strained liquor into sugar-rimmed martini glass and don’t forget to garnish with a cherry on top!  Note: To create a sugar-rimmed glass, take a lemon wedge and rub the rim of the glass. Dip the edge of the glass into superfine sugar.

 

3. The Red Hot Realtor - You’re dominating the market. You have homes flying off the streets and clients lining up wanting your help. You’re on fire! This drink is simple, because you don’t have time to make anything complicated.

Ingredients:

1 8oz. glass of 7-up

1 shot of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky


 

4. The All-Nighter - You’ve had a long day. You spent hours on the phone and computer pulling comps, setting up showings and answering calls and emails. You have offers to respond to and draft, and you know you’ll be up late tonight. The All-Nighter drink has your back. It’s also simple and knows you don’t have the time to measure and bust out a ton of ingredients.

Ingredients:

Red Bull Energy Drink

1 shot of Captain Morgan’s spiced rum

1 shot of orange juice


 

5. The Home Wrecker - The day the inspection or appraisal kills the deal. You need something STRONG!  Also called the Long Island Iced Tea, this is one of the strongest and most alcoholic drinks ever created. It’s also delicious. It also helps take away your anger, bitterness, and extreme sorrow!

Ingredients:

1 shot of vodka

1 shot of rum

1 shot of tequila

1 shot of gin

1 shot of triple sec

1 lemon wedge

Coke

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add the spirits and the juice from a squeezed lemon and shake like hell. Pour into a tall glass, add ice and slowly pour the coke on top of the ice. The less coke you add, the better you will feel.

 

6.  The Double Agent Dance - This is when you’re acting as both the listing agent and buyer's agent. You know you have a lot of work ahead of you, and that it requires a delicate dance. This drink is also known as The Dancing Goldfish.

Ingredients:

1 bottle of white wine (chardonnay or white zinfandel are best)

12 oz. of 7-Up

12 oz. Peach Schnapps

1 can of mandarin oranges

Over ice and in a large pitcher, pour in wine and peach schnapps. Stir in mandarin oranges and 7-Up.  Serve in tall glass with ice and watch the fishes dance!  Keep refilling to keep the fishes alive!

 

7. The Orgasm - When you’ve worked so long and so hard, and given all you can, and you finally get the satisfaction of a job well done. The build-up has been intense, and then… you get an OFFER!  You explode with relief!!  Also known as a Screaming Orgasm (if the offer was all cash or over asking)! There’s no better feeling in the world. ;)

Ingredients:

1 oz. Bailey’s

1 oz. Kahlua

1 oz. Vodka

1 oz. Amaretto

Makes one shot.  Can be doubled for a Multiple Orgasm.  


 

8.  The Hail Mary - When you have a deal hanging by a thread and you need that one last burst of energy or negotiation super power to get the deal done. This is when you need your Hail Mary, also known as a Bloody Mary.  

 

Ingredients:

1 ½ oz. vodka

3 oz. tomato juice

1 tbsp. lemon juice

½ tsp. worcestershire sauce

3 drops of tabasco sauce

½ tbsp. horseradish

salt, pepper

Mix everything together and pour into a tall glass.  Garnish with lemon or lime wedge, celery stalk, green onion, pickled green bean, rotisserie chicken or anything you have laying around the kitchen.

 

9. The Superman - It’s closing day! You did your job, did it very well, and made it look easy. You finally got your hard-earned paycheck and saved the world for your client. You feel like a Superhero, and if this isn’t your drink of choice, then a beer will never taste better than after a closing! Cheers!

Ingredients:

1/2 oz Stoli Blueberi vodka

1/2 oz Absolut vanilla vodka

1/2 oz Bacardi white rum

1/2 oz Malibu coconut rum

1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur

1 1/2 oz pineapple juice

Cranberry Juice

Sprite

Fill shaker with ice and add all of the alcoholic ingredients and pineapple juice and shake till frothy. Pour mixture into a tall glass, then add a quick pour of Sprite and top with a splash of cranberry juice. This will layer red, white, and blue into the glass and will rejuvenate your super-hero powers!

 

10. Love Potion - When your happy clients refer you to a friend or family member and you get to start all over again, and your love for the wacky world of real estate is renewed.

Ingredients:

1 oz Grey Goose Vodka

1 oz amaretto almond liqueur

1 oz peach schnapps

1 oz orange juice

1 oz cranberry juice


Pour ingredients into a shaker with ice, shake and serve on the rocks. Now get to work and go party!

 

 

Written by Sarah D'Hondt!

Follow her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SarahMDHondt?fref=ts

Follower her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sarahdrealtor

The Realtor's Dictionary

Webster probably invented the dictionary. Then along came Merriam and these two companies have provided us the standard book of word definitions forever. Sometime within the 20th century, the Urban Dictionary was born and added some color to our already-complicated, multi-faceted language which includes slang, ebonics, profanity, and a whole lot of made-up words that people think are real words.

Oddly enough, none of these resources accurately describe a few important words pertaining to real estate. Words, mind you, that Realtors use on a daily basis. Therefore, some tweakage is definitely necessary (btw, “tweakage”is verified by Urban Dictionary as a real word!).

I present to you: THE REALTOR’S DICTIONARY.

 

APPRAISAL

The act of an appraiser revealing what the home is worth. This person, in less than one hour, can make or break the sale of the home for clients that you’ve invested countless months of time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears on. Waiting for an appraisal report is the longest and most stressful time in a real estate transaction. Copious amounts of alcohol may be consumed during this timeframe.

 

 

BROKER

Person who owns the brokerage, or office, in which you hang your real estate license. The Broker is not to be confused with a boss since Realtors are self-employed. However, the Broker mimics the role of a boss by implementing office policies and procedures, and Agents pay the Broker monthly or out of each earned commission check. The Broker is who cuts a Realtor’s paycheck, so I guess they technically are the boss.

 

 

BUYER

Person who wants to buy a house. This is pretty much everyone, so Realtors must classify them into categories such as; Unqualified, Lookie-Loo, or Ready-Willing-Able. See individual definitions below.

 

CLIENT

Person who signs an agreement with a Realtor to represent them as a “Buyers Agent” or “Seller’s Agent”. Once the agreement is signed, Clients tend to become emotional, impatient, excited, nervous, ecstatic and a bit mentally unstable for the duration of time in which the sale is commenced. This is completely normal.

 

CLOSING

The day the sale of a home becomes official. This is the day when the months of hard-work, sleepless nights, and endless streams of communication end (for this particular client). This is the day the Realtor gets their long-awaited and much deserved paycheck, which is then stripped of its dignity when broker fees are deducted, and MLS fees, marketing costs, state and federal taxes are subtracted. Sometimes a Realtor’s paycheck equates to that of a part-time cashier at Walmart.

 

 

COMMISSION

The non-negotiable amount of money, which may vary from Realtor to Realtor, that he/she will earn on a sale. Anyone trying to lower this should expect very bad things to happen to them, so don’t even think about it. Would you try to negotiate payment with the brain surgeon about to remove the mass in your head that’s making you think such ridiculousness? Uhh, no. To be clear, commissions are never fixed at a certain rate within a market (that’s a big no-no, and illegal), but again, what a Realtor charges you is generally non-negotiable.

 

 

COMPS

Short for “comparables” and what Realtors rely on to accurately price a home for sale. An appraiser also uses comps to verify the home is priced right, and notoriously uses the lowest selling comp on the street in their appraisal report.


 

CON-ED

Short for Continuing Education and is a state requirement that all Realtors obtain a mandatory amount of training. No one really enjoys going to Con-Ed, but we love to brag about how much we learned. Usually we spend a lot of time on our phones and pay just enough attention to pass the test.

 


 

CO-OP AGENT

The other agent involved in the real estate transaction, and often times, is a good-for-nothing, rude, clueless, uncooperative waste of space...but you stay professional so you can get the damn sale closed.

 

FSBO (Pronounced, “Fizzbo”)

The acronym of “For Sale By Owner” and is a Realtor’s arch nemesis. Any person trying to FSBO is claiming they can do the same job as a Realtor, even when they aren’t a Realtor, and they have no clue of the dozens of things Realtors do for a living. Most times a FSBO will over-price their home, feel overwhelmed with all the calls, emails, and showing requests they may receive, and become a miserable person wishing they hired a Realtor in the first place. Most FSBO’s are too cheap, and assume it costs them a lot of money to hire a Realtor, when in actuality, hiring one will save them money and time!



 

HOME-OWNERSHIP

The greatest thing on earth.

LENDER

The financial institution that lends money to a buyer to purchase a home. Some lenders have no credibility and don’t take the time to verify the buyer’s assets and income and issue bogus “pre-qualification” letters, which lead to weeks of wasted time, headaches, and broken hearts when the buyers find out they can’t buy their dream home after all. An experienced Realtor can help guide buyers to a legit lender, and refer them to a hard-working loan officer who will do their job right.

 

LOOKIE-LOO

A buyer who has nothing better to do than waste a Realtor’s time to go look at houses they aren’t going to buy. This is what the internet is for. And open houses.

 

OPEN HOUSE

An event where a Realtor will allow showings on one of their listings and keep it open to the public for an allocated amount of time. Most open houses welcome in nosey neighbors, competing neighbors wanting to list their homes for sale (but see yours first), lots of lookie-loos and people with nothing better to do. Open houses are often a complete waste of time and will rarely sell the house, but they can generate buyer leads to the Realtor hosting it. There’s also food and liquor there, so that helps kill the time.

 

 

PINTEREST

The website that allows for virtual hoarding, idea-collecting and sharing. Everyone with a Pinterest account has a board devoted to their dream house, so the website is very real estate related and a great resource for getting ideas and posting links about all things real estate. Also, for the world’s greatest cheesecake recipe, 1001 things to make with wine corks and wood palettes, and how to lose 20 lbs. while eating cheesecake and drinking wine.

 

 

PRE-APPROVAL

The glorious document issued from a loan officer of a credible lender that gives a buyer the permission to start home shopping. Without the pre-approval, there is no point showing homes to these buyers, as it’s a waste of everyone’s time. Do not confuse this with a “Pre-Qualification,” as that document means nothing and is basically all the lies the buyer told the loan officer about his credit and income, and nothing was verified.

 

 

READY-WILLING-ABLE

A buyer who’s received their pre-approval letter and has been promoted to first priority on a Realtor’s radar.

 

REALTOR

See “Super Hero”

 

 

SCHEDULE

Subject to change, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Basically, a Realtor doesn’t have a schedule and is a multi-taking maniac with super-human time-management skills. Realtors eat schedules for breakfast.

 

 

SELLER

Person who wants to sell their home. Often times, this person feels their home is worth millions of dollars and doesn’t care that neighborhood comps have sold for less. Sellers often hold an inaccurate, inflated sense of their home’s value because of its updated kitchen knobs, newly painted bathroom, or freshly planted pansies. Sellers also believe everything they see or hear on HGTV and think their $50,000 kitchen remodel will result in them making double of what they paid.

 

SHORT SALE

Anything but short. See also; pain in the ass, headache, not worth my time.

 

 

SHOWING

When an agent requests to see a home you have for sale, and schedules an allocated time frame in which they will arrive at the home with their buyers. Many times, they are late, early, or don’t show up at all.

 

SUPER HERO

See “Realtor”

 

 

VACATION

Error -- definition not found. Realtors don’t participate in whatever this is.

ZILLOW

The website loathed by many Realtors because of inaccurate “zestimates” and outdated property data. Realtors spend lots of time explaining to their clients why this website is not a valid source of information, constantly ripping it apart or making jokes about it… then will ask them for a good recommendation to add to their Zillow profile once a home closes.

Written by Sarah D'Hondt!

Follow her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SarahMDHondt?fref=ts

Follower her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sarahdrealtor

Ten Reasons Real Estate Agents Drink Part 2

1) Because your buyer of over a year went with "the listing agent" while you were out of town for the weekend

2) Because you were late on MLS dues and got a parking ticket during a showing

3) Because you spelled the name wrong of a potential client in an important email

 

4) Because you walked in on your client in bed with the maid

5) Because the other agent won't stop using the word: "man cave"

6) Because the house alarm went off during one of your showings today

7) Because your buyer just financed a new car

 

8) Because your seller texted you at 2AM for an update

9) Because you are sore from falling through the window of your vacant listing after you forgot the lockbox code

10) Because you closed the hardest deal of your life and you need to spend your entire commission on bottle service tonight

Why I Should Be Your Agent (A Poem)

WHY I SHOULD BE YOUR AGENT

 

You are a choosing a realtor so who will it be?

Let me give you some reasons why you should pick me

I’m young and I’m fun I drink coffee and tea

I can talk about sports I can talk about Glee

 

I will answer my phone every time that you call

I will pick up your dog's poop and your kids at the mall

That’s not really true it was said for the rhyme

See I’m honest and real I’m a dozen a dime

 

The market I know like the back of my hand

I’ll go to war for your offer and I’ll fight for your land

I have a network of clients always looking to buy

With a plan and a drone always ready to fly

 

But your friend and your cousin are licensed as well?

And the last agent you worked with put you through hell?

Well you could choose him or you could pick she

But I know you can see that the right choice is me!

 

How To Pick Up Leads At The Gym

The gym can be a great resource for real estate agents to pick up leads. Can you imagine anything better than getting a pump, an overpriced protein smoothie, and a new buyer all in the same place? I certainly can't. But, how do you do this? How do you interrupt someone's workout to tell them you are in real estate? How do you start a conversation without a fifth of vodka in your system with a complete stranger wearing headphones? You have to be subtle, timely, and confident. More importantly, you have to listen to follow these techniques.  

Be there early in the morning or late at night: First off, you are delusional if you think you are going to pick up a lead at noon on a Wednesday. Not only are there less people at the gym, but the people you do talk to will think you are doing zero business because you are doing calf presses in the middle of the day. So, make sure you are there before 9AM or after 6PM. Nobody wants to work with someone who isn't busy.

Ask for a spot:

One of the best ways to start a conversation at the gym is to ask for a spot. Go straight to the bench press (like you were going to do anyway) and ask someone to spot you or work in. Now that you have them cornered, bring up your occupation and force them to sell their home.

Drop your keys: If you drive a nice car, "accidentally" drop your keys while you are bending over to adjust the incline bench seat. This will show you are moderately successful. They don't know it's a lease. This will spark people's interest and make them curious about what you do. 

Talk on the phone real loud about business:

Hover around the tricep machine and scream on the phone about a current transaction. This will show everyone how busy and important you are. 

Wear your real estate name tag: Just kidding don't.

Wear a estate related shirt: Wait, where do I get a real estate related shirt? Keller Williams doesn't have red tank tops? Obviously you buy this shirt/tank top and wear it literally everywhere. Click on my shop: http://www.thebrokeagent.com/shop/yeah-im-in-real-estate-tee

 

Join Equinox:

You want to rep buyers not renters right? Eat the $200 a month and write it off as a business expense. Spend the majority of your time in the sauna talking to naked men and women about how good it is to get rid of the toxins in your body. After providing them with a little nutritional value, you can then begin your sales pitch. Also, according to this photo you can meet elves which is also pretty cool. I always wanted to speak Elvish.

There you have it. Now, go to the gym, drop your Honda keys, and get some listings!

 

15 Little Victories In Real Estate

If real estate were game, which it is, it would be composed of a bunch of tiny victories and defeats. Every now and then you will suffer a major loss or experience a major win. Hopefully, the major wins keep you in the game and make you lots of money. Every day in this industry is composed of these ups and downs that we all experience. So, I wanted to give a shoutout to the all the little victories that keep us going. 

1) When a buyer walks into your open house and doesn't have an agent.

Whether it turns into anything or not, this interaction gives us a glimmer of hope in what is usually a boring and pointless three hours. 

2) When you actually have your most recent business card on you when a potential client asks for it. 

Real estate agents change brokerages and positions constantly. It is a pretty good feeling when you whip out your wallet and have direct access to your card without hesitation.

3) When you find a fresh water bottle in your seller's fridge.

Nobody likes drinking tap water. Your seller would want you to have it.

4) When you schedule all of your showings back to back.

People who are not in the industry don't understand how difficult it can be to schedule a showing. Your schedule has match up with the seller's schedule, the other agent's schedule, and your client's/whoever else they are bringing schedule. 

5) When you have a full tank of gas in your car.

6) When the printer at your office does exactly what you want.

There is nothing more frustrating than a faulty printer that turns your agent detail report into a Picasso. 

7) When your seller says they are going to call you after the open, but they don't.

Like I said, it's the little victories that keep us going.

8) When your appointment at 9 AM on Saturday gets cancelled.

Yes, realtors work on the weekends. But, nobody wants to get up and show a house at 9 AM on Saturday. Nobody.

9) When you show up to your listing and the seller's car is gone.

This might be one of the best feelings in the world.

10) When all of your dress clothes are dry-cleaned.

As much as I like destroying my nipples in dirty button downs, I prefer to actually look and feel decent when I show a house.  

11) When you don't have to re-login into the MLS.

Getting logged out in a deep MLS search ruins my mood for at least an hour.

12) When you get your favorite parking spot at the office.

13) When there is actually good food at the office meeting.

14) When you get a package delivered to the office.

Getting your Amazon Prime package is always a win. Getting it at the office gives you the brief opportunity to seem important in the eyes of the receptionist.

15) When the Title Rep walks by your office without bothering you.

I don't always want to hear about the hike you went on this weekend. 

 

 

 

How To Curse In Real Estate

If you are in real estate you probably curse a lot. Not because you want to, but because you have to. You curse under your breath, you curse in your car, you curse on the phone, and you curse at other agents. Sometimes you can't articulate how you are feeling without explaining to someone that your day was completely and utterly "fucked." So, I compiled a list of the most common curse words and how they are applied to situations in real estate. I wanted you to know that you are not alone. If you get offended by curse words stop reading. If you are a normal human being in real estate, keep reading.

 

1) Shit: 

This house is shit. 

It smells like shit in here.

I think someone just shit in the master.

That offer is complete shit.

I had a shitty day.

 

2) Bitch

That agent was a huge bitch, wasn't she?

Stop being a bitch about it, it's real estate.

They bitched out, not writing anymore.

(Insert brokerage name) are a bunch of bitches.

Son of a bitch, I have no gas and I am late to this showing.

 

3) Ass

Damn, that Escrow rep has a fantastic ass.

My seller is a real pain in the ass.

My ass barely fits in my dress pants anymore.

My client is an asshole.

Everyone in this industry is an asshole.

I wonder if that kitchen spoon would fit in my ass. 

 

4) Hell

It's hot as hell in here.

What the hell are you even saying?

I hope that person burns in hell.

My seller spawns from hell. 

That open house was hell. 

 

5) Fuck

1) Fuck you.

2) Fuck me.

3) Fuck everyone. 

4) Are you fucking kidding me?

5) This deal is completely fucked.

6) Are they out of their fucking mind? 

7) Who the fuck told you that?

8) Wait, so what the fuck does this mean now.

9) I don't give a fuck anymore.

10) Every single time you hang up the phone. "Fuck."

11) Fuck it. 

 

6) Piss

1) I'm so pissed.

2) The other agent is really pissing me off.

3) I have to piss out of my ass.

4) Wait a second, let me take a piss first.

5) Why is my seller always so pissed? 

 

7) Dick

1) He's a huge dick, don't worry about it.

2) I just stubbed my dick on the open house sign while I set it up..

3) I'm really trying not to be a dick here, but...

4) You can tell they don't know dick about this area.

I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Six Reasons To Use Your Friend As A Realtor

Although it may be difficult to comprehend, some buyers prefer to not use their friends as their real estate agent. Why? Maybe they don't want to potentially ruin the friendship. Maybe they don't want to share their financial information. Maybe they think their realtor friend is an idiot. Whatever the reason may be, it is imperative for us as real estate agents to tap into our immediate network to run a successful business. So, here are six reasons why your friends should work with you. 

1) You Will Not Feel Awkward: 

Would you rather ride silently in some random suit's Chrysler that you met at an open house, or listen to Drake's new album in the same seat that you inhaled a Doritos locos tacos in the night before? I know you. It's more fun to drive around with me because I can talk about other stuff other than real estate. 

2) You Can Reach Us Anytime: 

If you text me or call me I will respond. You follow me on Snapchat and you just saw that I posted a picture of my zucchini pasta on Instagram. Also, I have to respond to you because I have "read" receipts on.   

3) You Will Not Bother Us:

A lot of buyers refrain from contacting their agent because they are afraid to "bother them." You know that I am up watching Game of Thrones, so you can call me anytime. Also, I know how to reach out to you without bothering you. I have a good feel for your schedule and I understand your communication patterns.  

4) You Know We Actually Care: 

Guess what? A ton of realtors don't care about their clients. I will not pawn you off to my assistant. Not because I don't have an assistant, but because I am dedicating my services to you. You will never have to worry about some unlicensed, unpaid intern sitting your open house. I will sit your open house... and I might eat a cookie or two because I know you and that's chill. 

5) You Already Trust Us: 

A lot of sellers and buyers are rightfully skeptical of their real estate agent early on in the relationship. Can you trust this random guy/girl you just met at your house? You already know me and trust the way I will handle your home. I care about this friendship more than I do about this sale, and will do everything I can to leave you satisfied. Sexually. 

6) You Get To Celebrate With Us:

A lot of clients can't wait to get rid of their realtors. A lot of realtors can't wait to get rid of their clients. This is not the case working with friends. Once the deal closes, you get to party with me. You just bought a new home. I just got a nice commission. Let's throw a massive party and begin the wear and tear process!

Seven Dating Hacks That Only Work For Realtors

1) The "Crazy Seller" Technique

Having sketchy late night phone calls with someone you shouldn't be? Not a problem. Your seller is insane and will not leave you alone.

2) "The Showing Excuse" aka "The Inspection Excuse" aka "The Appointment Excuse" 

Your girl wants to hike on a Sunday morning? Nope. You have an inspection. Your boyfriend wants to meet for drinks with a frat dude that you hate? Nope. You have a twilight photo shoot. Remember, realtors have a permanent excuse to get out of anything. 

3) The "LockBox" Technique

Live in a high security apartment building on the top floor? Sick of going down to get your significant other? Don't trust him/her enough yet to give them a copy of your key? Not ready for that step in the relationship? Throw a lockbox on a tree outside and your problem is solved. 

4) The "Prospecting" Technique

At a bar? Boyfriend is in the bathroom? Hot guy buys you a drink and works in private equity? Boyfriend comes back? You were prospecting a potential client who is "about to have a baby" and is looking for a house for his new family.

5) The "I have a lot on my mind" Technique

Having trouble performing sexually? Finishing immediately? Never finishing? You are really sorry, but all you can think about is your listing appointment tomorrow.

6) The "It's just the other agent" Technique

Getting unknown number texts from your side piece? Nope. It's the other agent. Every random number can be covered up.  

7) The "I used it for staging" Technique

Spent all your money on processed juices? Gambled away your engagement ring? Pawning all of your furniture to stay afloat? No problem! You used the sofa for staging your listing and will bring it back when it sells. 

Five Charactertistics of Lazy Agents

I think it is fair to say that if you do three of five of these you are a lazy agent. If you just do two you are probably ok...

1) They don't print out the client detail reports for a showing: Instead of handing their buyers the actual listing sheet, they secretly glance at an email on their iPhone that they sent themselves. Then, they shout out the "important" stuff like the year it was built, square footage, and HOA's. 

Excuse: You don't have a printer and you didn't want to go to your office (fair). Also, you look like you actually did research by "memorizing" how long it's been on the market. 

2) They don't meet their buyers at open houses: It's easy to send your buyers to opens by themselves because the other agent is there. But, that should be the exact reason you don't do it. What do you think the other agent is telling your client? I'll tell you: "Your agent isn't here? You should work with me I will go with you to every showing." 

Excuse: You haven't played this course before and you already had a tee time over a month ago. They don't need you there for every single home.

3) They take their own MLS photos without hiring a professional photographer: Basically, they are cheap AF and are destroying their own listing by marketing it with Polaroids. 

Excuse: You are an idiot.

4) They only set up a "couple" open house signs: They put up like one beat up sign in front of the house and maybe one other down the street. This may not seem like a big deal because most people find the opens in their area with the click of their thumb on a smart phone. However, there are always a few guests that come in because they "saw the signs."

Excuse: Setting up open house signs it the absolute worst. It's dirty, it's demoralizing, and it's inconvenient. Also, you don't have room in your car and hearing them rattle around your trunk is extremely annoying. "Setting up a sign isn't going to sell this house."

5) They don't prepare the house properly for a showing: They greet you at the door and turn on all the lights as you and your client walk through the dark house. There's nothing worse than explaining to your client that the place: "actually looks good when it's lit up and open." 

Excuse: You didn't have time? I don't know we've all been squeezed between showings before, but this shouldn't happen. 

There you have it. If you do three of five of these things you are a lazy agent. Unlike high school and college, being lazy is not a cool thing to be in real estate.

 

Five Reasons to Work With A Millennial Real Estate Agent

1) Quick Response Time

You don't have to wait fourteen hours to get a response from a millennial. Chances are, we are already on our phones flicking through Instagram or SnapChatting our sashimi. Also, we are constantly checking our email to check our transaction history on Venmo. 

2) Tech Savvy

We actually know how to use our phones and utilize the newest apps and technologies to help keep our clients updated. A lot of "experienced" agents are afraid to adopt new strategies because their traditional ways have worked in the past. Millennials are open to evolve. 

3) Emotional Involvement

This may be a good thing or it may be a bad thing. But, when a transaction falls apart we don't just go back home and carry on with our lives. We go to the bar and rip fourteen tequila shots to deal with the emotional stress and loss of commission. We take it personally. But, we wake up determined (and hungover) to make sure that the next deal does go through. We can't cope with failure. 

4) Personal Experience

Most millennial realtors do not have an entire team working for them. We deal with our clients personally. Clients won't have to fight through a wave of assistants and unpaid interns to talk to us. We do our own work and we sit our own open houses. 

5) We Party

When a deal closes we want to party with you. Hell, when a deal doesn't close we want to party with you. Either way, we know how to have fun and make light of situations that some agents would take too seriously. Also, we play sick music on the way to showings and we make you feel cool when we hand you the keys. 

 

 

 

Real Estate Porn

What REALLY Turns Real Estate Agents On:

When you actually have a free weekend with no showings, no opens, and no inspections.

 

When you find a water bottle in the fridge at your open when you are deathly hungover.

When you get this text from your buyer and they are so excited that they can't even spell correctly: 

When a hot girl comes into your open house without her husband and no kid.

When the TV at your open is already on with Football on the screen.

 

When you schedule all of your showings successfully within a close proximity of each other.

Finding out you and a potential buyer went to the same college and you "connect" over it.

When you crush a listing appointment and they play your song on the radio.

When a listing across the street goes up and you hold opens during their opens and to get their traffic.

Five Fictional Bedrooms That Were Awesome

1) Arnold's Bedroom from the show "Hey Arnold"

This kid had it all. He had a girl that was obsessed with him, a cool black friend named Gerald, and one of the most desirable city bedrooms of all time. This room was decked out with remote control everything and an unparalleled city skylight view.

 

2) Cher's Bedroom in the movie "Clueless"

Clueless has one of the best movie lines of all time by Elton: "My foot hurts. Can I go to the nurse?" I am sure every girl that watched this in the mid 90s was obsessed with this epic closet.

 

3) Tom Hanks' Bedroom in the movie "Big"

Spacious with a trampoline, basketball hoop, and room to skateboard. This was the dream movie and dream bedroom of every kid that saw this.

 

4) Frodo's Wake Up Bedroom in "Lord of the Rings"

What a fantastic place to wake up after being ripped to shreds by Gollum at the top of Mordor. This majestic room emulates the dreamlike village perfectly. It comes equipped with incredible scented candles, an oversized king bed, and Gandalf puffing reefer right in your face. Not to mention the flawless, ageless, elves floating around listening to trance music. It does not get much better than this.

 

5) Harry Potter's "bedroom" at the Dursley Residence

Harry's cozy little nook under the staircase at the Dursley's was awesome because it is unlike any bedroom in any movie. It is iconic.

8 Things Real Estate Agents Hate

1) When someone asks the question: "What school district is this in?"

I don't know why this question pisses me off so much, but it does. Of course a couple would want to know which school their kids might attend. It is obviously very important. I just never have it memorized and it angers me.

2) When you get an email from a buyer saying: "We actually found a place on our own."

WTF? What does that even mean? You walked into an open house and wrote an offer with the listing agent? This is the kind of thing that sends realtors to therapy.

3) When another agent in your office gets an absurd listing that is completely unjustified.

This is kind of like when your buddy hooks up with a girl that is way out of his league. On the surface you are happy for him, but at the same time you can't help yourself from being slightly jealous. When a shit agent gets a massive listing it is infuriating. You always justify it in your own head by saying something like: "he/she probably knows the seller or did some sort of sexual favor for them." 

4) When you get scheduled to do inspections all day Saturday.

 

As much as I love chilling with the termite guy and talking about dry rot, I would rather be slamming mimosas with my friends. Inspection period is a great time to lay off Snapchat. 

5) When another agent lectures you about their 24 hour showing policy.

We are on the same team. I am trying to help you. I am bringing a buyer to your overpriced listing that has been festering on the market for three months. We all understand the policy. Please vocalize your availability without being a complete dick about it.

6) When your friends ask you what you do all day. 

Yes, I get it. I do not work 9AM-5PM in a miserable office all day. I watched the first three seasons of Game of Thrones and emailed a couple of potential buyers.

7) When your buyer magically decides they want to start looking in another area after seeing 20 homes within a two mile radius.

For those of you who do not understand the reference: John Kerry "flip-flopped" his policy issues throughout his whole presidential campaign. I am comparing this to when buyers decide they want to live in a completely different area.

8) When your new seller can't stop complaining about their previous agent.

This should be an immediate red flag. Most likely, it is the seller who was at fault and would not cooperate with their old agent. Also, if this person is talking shit about their "ex," they will most likely talk shit about you.

Five Items That Are Okay To Take From Your Seller's Kitchen

Admit it. You have thought about eating something from your seller's kitchen at least once. Sometimes you just don't properly prepare yourself for three hours without food. We have all been there. So what do you do? You open the fridge or the pantry and decide what is "okay" to eat or drink. Obviously, you don't want to take anything that your seller would notice. So, I compiled a list of food and drink items that are  "okay" to take without feeling guilty. These are items that if you hypothetically asked your seller for, they would say it was okay.... I think.

1)  Water Bottles: If there are three or more water bottles in the fridge it is okay to take one. But, if there are less than three they might notice and get a little frustrated. They won't call you out on it, but I would suck it up and drink the tap if there are only a couple left.

2) Mixed Nuts: You are allowed to take four handfuls of mixed nuts from their pantry. This will provide you energy and will always go unnoticed.

3) American Kraft Cheese Slices: This cheese is inexpensive and always comes in a huge bundle pack. Take as many slices as you want. It has the nutritional value of eating your own shit, but a slice every fifteen minutes can hold you over.

4) Orange Juice: This is borderline. Juice is expensive and a valuable commodity during cold season. But, if you are dying of thirst and need a little caloric intake I personally believe it is okay to have a glass. Obviously, take the perfect amount that will go unnoticed. Never finish it. You have been stealing juice out of your friends' homes since college, you know what to do.

5) Cookies: Never be the first to open anything. You can take a casual cookie out of a large box. For example, a couple weeks ago I sat an open where there was a sleeve of thin mints poking out of the pantry. I crushed every single one of them. If you are in a situation where there are thin mints you are naturally expected to slam the entire thing.