How Realtors Should NOT Use Instagram

Instagram is a social media outlet that many realtors are beginning to use to improve their personal brand and marketing. Because the majority of realtors are relatively new to Instagram, many of them have absolutely no clue how to use it effectively. Below are five DO NOTS of Instagram for realtors.

DO NOT: Do not post a picture of your workspace.  Gramming your laptop, a strategically placed notebook, and a Frappuccino will not to convince your 35 followers that you are doing any business. In fact, it will have the reverse effect. You are showing your audience that you have absolutely nothing to do besides arrange inanimate materials on your desk like a wannabe Andy Warhol.

DO NOT: Do not post a high definition picture of a beautiful home with an inspirational quote captioned across the bottom. First off, this house is not even close to being your listing. Second, saying “Challenges are what make life interesting, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful” is completely pointless. Not only does this quote mean absolutely nothing, but also it is completely unoriginal. Anybody can Google image a house and a quote. Please do not litter people’s feeds with this trash unless you want to lose some followers and all of your friends.

DO NOT: Do not post about how much you love being a real estate agent with a picture of somebody else’s listing that you took caravanning. We are very lucky that we get to see beautiful homes and work our own hours. But, we do not need to shove it down everyone’s throat. This type of picture is almost as useless as your decision to go see that house for a client you don’t even have.

DO NOT: Do not post a generic image or gif that complains about how you have to work weekends. Nobody cares.

DO NOT: Do not. I repeat. Do not ever take an in-car selfie with a caption that reads: “on my grind.” This is the number one mistake any realtor can make in their Instagram career. Despite what the caption may say, you are not actually on your grind. You are stuck in traffic on the way to In N’ Out Burger in between the one showing that you had and cocktail hour.

Avoid all of these DO-NOTS of Instagram and you will temporarily maintain your audience before alienating every single person you know. In case you can't read. Watch this video that basically says the exact same thing!

Broke Agent X Soundcloud

From now on I will constantly be updating and curating the perfect tunes for your various Real Estate activities (if you have any). Your client will get the illusion that you stay up to date with fresh new music and your street cred go up.

Is Faking a Buyer Ethical?

As agents, we all have our tricks to get in front of a potential client. One of the oldest tricks in the book is to call an expired listing and tell the owner that you have a "client to preview." However, you probably don't have any client in mind.  The goal of this tactic is to act like you have someone interested in the house in front of the owner, and then slowly work your way into asking their future listing goals. If all goes according to plan, you will conveniently whip out a listing presentation out from under your arm and give the pitch why they should list with you.  The question is... is this ethical? The foundation of an agent-client relationship is built on trust, and the first interaction you have with them is a lie. I personally think this tactic is uncomfortable because I am not a good actor. I have trouble making up fake buyers and I feel like the owner knows what is going on and does not want to be pitched. But, that's just my opinion. What do you think? Am I giving too much away?

Should Agents Wear Name Tags?

No. They shouldn't. Because it looks moronic. However, I just did an Instagram post on this and it sparked a lot of controversy. Some people were saying: "my name tag brings me like five leads a year!" Or, "it helps buyers identify the agent when they walk into the open!" Another way to identify the agent at an open is to look on the damn sign in front of the house! But, if your face isn't plastered at the entrance, you can also shake the buyer's hand and tell them who you are. This isn't summer camp, so nobody should be wearing name tags. I am willing to sacrifice "five leads a year" for my appearance and dignity.

Five Questions Millennial Agents Hear

As a young agent, I have observed a certain level of skepticism amongst the "older" people in the industry toward millennials. I am hesitant to call it "disrespect," but there is definitely a noticeable feeling of distrust aimed at less experienced agents. I have noticed this at listing appointments, open houses, and even showings with other agents who were at one point in my position. A month ago, I was "previewing a home for a client" and the seller showing the home looked at me like I was from a different planet. He immediately asked me: "how long have you been in this industry?" I wanted to respond with: "long enough to know you are a prick." However, I didn't want to jeopardize a potential sale so I answered accordingly. I don't want to call myself a "millennial agent" because that word has such a negative connotation and is overused. But, as a "millennial agent," I can tell you that where we lack in experience, we make up for in motivation and persistence. I'll explain more later. For now, here is a list of five condescending questions younger agents get asked.

1) Why did you get into this business?

2) How long have you been in this industry?

3) Oh, were your parents in real estate?

4) How are you supporting yourself?

5) Have you sold any homes yet?

The Three Worst Spots for a Buyer Consultation

Getting a potential buyer's contact information is simple. Getting in front of that buyer for a second time is not. A buyer consultation is how an agent collects all the necessary information that will enable them to find their client the perfect home. This is most effective when done in person so the agent can get a feel for what the buyer is looking for and how to interact with him/her. Okay, great. So, if you actually trick a buyer into working with you, where should you meet with them? Assuming your office is either an ice box or a sauna like mine, you probably want to meet with them in a public setting. Where are the best places to do this? Glad you asked! Actually, let's flip it and do the worst places to meet because why not.

1) Skydiving

It's important to have a table to take notes on. So, unless you are a professional or can strap yourself to the ass of the buyer, skydiving is probably not the best location to do a consultation. Also, there is no place to plug in your laptop because it's the sky.

2) Long John Silver's

Can you name one person that has ever actually gone here? If you can, you probably should stop being friends with them. If you really want to mess with a potential client, tell them to meet you at the local "LJS" and see how they react.

3) My House

Unless the client is a degenerate alcoholic with a kid-like obsession for Star Wars and the New York Yankees, my house is probably not the best place to meet. However, I do have a Brita water filter that is filled up a majority of the time.

The Dream Brokerage

This is a list of what would make the perfect brokerage:

A Therapy Dog: Dog-friendly offices are fantastic. It makes the atmosphere more relaxed and provides a much needed cuteness factor. Every brokerage should have a white, fluffy therapy dog that walks around and loves to be pet. It would relieve stress and make everyone happy. No cats.

Ping Pong Table: How great would it be to take a break from doing nothing to kick the shit out of your coworkers in table tennis?

Catered Gourmet Food for Office Meetings: The only thing that gets me to "mandatory office meetings" is free food. However, it has to be good. Stale bagels and dated cream cheese won't cut it. Hell, I would sit through MLS training for five hours if there were free double doubles.

Reserved Covered Parking for All: At some offices, only the top agents have reserved parking. I am not a top agent. But, this doesn't mean I should park a mile away or pay ten bucks at a meter to check my mail.

An Invincible Printer: Imagine a printer that never breaks and is never in use? Heaven.

Sound Proof Cubicles: Some agents talk on the phone like they are constantly communicating with their deaf grandmother. I don't want to hear the dude next to me scheduling his prostate exam when I'm trying to call some expired listings.

A Destruction Room: Every office should have a room with a baseball bat, a punching bag, and a bunch of shit agents can destroy when their 3:00 PM cancels at 2:59 PM.

Delegated Lead Equality: Imagine an office that actually cycled the leads evenly amongst all the agents?!

No Desk Costs: Last year I think I paid more money to be a realtor than I actually made. Parking, MLS dues, desk costs, and everything adds up. I shouldn't be paying that much to do my job. Cover it for me!

Open Bar: I would never leave the office. Ever.

The Best Real Estate Scenes in Film History

1) I Love You, Man: Crop Dusting Around the Open

Peter Klaven is LA's "biggest" realtor.

2) Step Brothers: Selling the House

Take notes if you want to prevent your rival agent from selling their listing.

3) Up: The sickest mobile house ever.

If you did not cry during this movie you have no soul.

4) American Beauty: I will sell this house today.

Everyone needs a little pep talk in the mirror once in a while.

5) Bruno: Deleted Scene

I can see why they deleted this...

6) Curb Your Enthusiasm: Larry prevents an office tenant from moving in to keep control of the AC.

This is an extreme, yet effective approach.

7) The Money Pit: The Stairs Are Out

Their agent did not disclose anything.

8) The Best Man: The Realtor

I am guessing most of you have not seen this movie. However, Seth Green does a fantastic job at making a closet seem like a third bedroom.

9) Funny Farm: Selling Your Country House

The most successful FSBO ever. If only real estate transactions were this easy.

10) Modern Family: Phil Dunphy explains, "Always Be Closing."

He is a true salesman.

11) Always Be Closing: Glengarry Glen Ross

The REAL ABC

12) American Beauty: Getting Nailed by the Real Estate King

7 Apps Real Estate Agents Must Have

A real, up to date list of apps that real estate agents should actually use to make their day a little bit more manageable.

1) Instagram

Instagram is the best time waster for open houses, inspections, or any time you hit a red light. It is the perfect way to act like you are reading an email when you are really flicking through bikini models or pictures of other Realtors that make way more money than you. If you do not have Instagram, you are an idiot. If you do have Instagram, follow the @TheBrokeAgent because I will tell you exactly what you are thinking at that particular moment.

Available on: Web, Android, iOS

Price: Free

2) Waze

Waze is the world's largest community-based traffic and navigation app that gets you places quicker in your car. This is the best app to use when you are late as hell to a showing and your client wants to decapitate you. If you use Google Maps you are a rookie.

Available on: Web, Android, iOS

Price: Free

3) Zillow

In case you forget what school district your tear down is in, this app will help you remember all of your specs with the click of a button. It is also a great tool to pull comps and get price estimates (joke).

Available on: Web, Android, iOS

Price: Free

4) Homesnap

Home Snap is like Snapchat except with no nudes and it is not fun at all. Simply take a picture of a house to find out all about it. It includes the most up-to-date data directly from the MLS and allows you to send homes directly to your clients. Unfortunately, I do not have any clients so this app is basically useless.

Available on: Web, Android, iOS

Price: Free

5) Tinder

If you are single, which you probably are, you should be hitting this hard all day. It is the best lead generation tool out there. It is the hot or not of dating apps. But remember, like real estate, it is a numbers game. My advice is to immediately send your phone number as your opener. It has garnered a 50% success rate for responses and almost an equal success rate to number extractions. I have always said that there should be a Tinder for house hunting. I think it would be extremely successful. You heard it here first.

Available on: Web, Android, iOS

Price: Free

6) Postmates

Postmates is transforming the way local goods move around a city by enabling anyone to get any product delivered in under one hour. Postmates' revolutionary urban logistics & on-demand delivery platform connects customers with local couriers, who purchase and deliver goods from any restaurant or store in a city...AKA you can get anything you want delivered to your open.

Available on: Web, Android, iOS

Price: Free

7) Pandora

Pandora is free, personalized radio that plays music. You never have to make another playlist again. Put on the "Chill Out" station and forever transform your open houses into a spa-like oasis.

Available on: Web, Android, iOS

Price: Free

How to Hire the Perfect Assistant

Hiring the right assistant can mean everything for your business. Do it the right way and follow my taboo guidelines to picking the perfect person for your business.

How much should I pay?

The immediate answer is simple. Make it an unpaid internship for the first three months with the possibility of a salary offer. You need a trial period to make sure your assistant knows how to do all of your dirty work and does not sound like Lou Holtz on the phone.  If you end up hiring them, offer them slightly above minimum wage and a percentage of each deal that you close. Explain to them that they will have a tremendous opportunity to make twice their salary after closings. They have no idea you only do two deals a year. Keep in the mind that the training and experience you are offering them is priceless!

Does their background matter?

No it does not. You do not need an Ivy League degree to sell a house. Having a solid resume is a plus, but it means absolutely nothing in the real estate industry. To be completely honest, it does not even really matter if they have a license. But do make sure they have their driver’s license so they can drive you to your inspections after kicking too many back during happy hour.

Should my assistant have a license?

This sounds like a dumb question. Why would you ever want to hire an assistant that does not have their license? I am telling you that there are pros and cons to both. Hiring an assistant with a license is good for legality purposes. However, you will have to worry about them wanting to get on deals with you and eventually become their own agent. This is why you must hire someone that is okay with being an assistant for a large portion of their career.

Do I hire a man or woman? (Because I am a guy. I will do it from a guy’s perspective.)

This is the most important decision you will make. Traditionally, a woman will be more loyal and better with customer service. However, their emotions can be a wild-card when dealing with difficult clients and time constraints. Guys can also make great assistants, but they usually use this position as a stepping stone for the next move in their career.

If you decide to hire a female assistant, you must take into consideration their level of attractiveness. Of course you want a hot assistant, but you have to decide if her cleavage will distract you from your daily tasks of doing absolutely nothing. You do not want to be fantasizing about the girl sitting in the same room as you when you should be following up with the three people that came your open. If you decide to hire a female, hire someone in the 6-7.5 range, not someone you would be afraid to wear gym shorts around. Also, accents are always a plus. So, basically the ideal assistant is a British 7 with phenomenal conversation skills and slightly revealing clothing.

If you decide to hire a guy, make sure that his ambitions do not outshine his duties. You want to hire a guy that is cool, but not that cool. If he actually has a social life and parties you should not hire him because he will be out of commission on the weekends. You should hire someone that is slightly a nerd and that is not quite smart enough to realize that you are underpaying him for doing your entire job.

 

Four Conversation Topics That All Agents Should Master

Real estate agents meet new people every day. This requires us to have strong conversation skills to maintain favorable communication with a variety of different personalities and backgrounds. One thing I have always prided myself on is my ability to adapt to different social groups. I have spent my whole life educating myself on the different cultures around the world and within America. Actually, that is not true at all. I have done nothing to diversify myself whatsoever. But, I have come to the conclusion that knowing four major topics can help get you through conversations, and maybe even lead to some business.

*** Advice: Before we dive into the four conversation topics: I always recommend keeping the conversation as far away from real estate as possible because if you know as much as I do, you do not know anything.

The Four Major Topics

Weather:

This is the lowest form of conversation for basically any situation. You talk about the weather with people that you have nothing else in common with. It is the most agreeable topic and is almost impossible to get wrong unless you are a complete idiot. Also, everyone will agree with what you say regardless if they even believe it themselves because they are on auto-pilot and do not actually care. If it is anywhere above 70 degrees I will open with: "hot out there today huh?" Depending on their response, I then transition the conversation to if they are from "around here," or somewhere else in the United States. If they are foreign I am usually shit out of luck and have nothing else to say.

Location:

Always pray they are from an area that you know. This gives you the opportunity to follow it up with something that sounds super genuine: "Oh Cincinnati, what part? My cousin actually lives in that area." However, you have never been to Cincinnati in your life. For me, the best part of the location question is that it leads to my follow up sports question.

Sports:

Being knowledgeable about sports is extremely helpful in the real estate industry. I have garnered a lot of my relationships with buyers through discussing a sports topic. It is a great way to connect with someone on a more personal level, and is also the perfect tool to use in your follow up emails. This way it makes your email feel more personal and acts as a buffer instead of annoying the shit out of them. For example, I had a buyer from New York who loved the Giants. I began every email with a little update on the Giants each week like: "Manning is a joke, but do you want Coughlin fired?" Although this tactic did not result in an actual purchase (obviously), it did allow me to keep a friendly rapport and may lead me to future business when they decide to sell the home that they did not purchase through me. Now that football, basketball, and hockey are over there is not much to talk about. So, it might be difficult to find someone who cares about mid-season baseball or Dustin Johnson for the next couple of months. Good luck.

Movies:

Always know what major movies are out, especially the kids movies. This way, if the buyer has kids you can ask them if they have taken them to the new movie out. Today, you can use "Inside Out," which is about feelings having feelings. It did decent on Rotten Tomatoes. They might ask you if you have kids. Never outright lie and say that you do if you do not. Always say no, but that you are planning on having them in the next couple years. They have no idea that you are depressed, single, and spend most of your nights drowning yourself in a cocktail of sleeping aids....Anyway, know what movies are out and maybe you can strike up an invigorating conversation.

5 Reasons I Decided Not To List The Playboy Mansion

1) I would not want to host showings knowing that the dude from karate kid probably planted his unwanted seed somewhere around the grotto.

2) The seller obviously has an emotional attachment to the house...Hef will actually literally be living there until he dies. Why have people not addressed how insane this is? Do you want to see his nut sack drooping out of his smoking jacket when you are setting up for your open? I don't think so!

3) I would not like the idea that I would be one of the few visitors who have never gotten laid in the house. I would constantly be disappointed.

4) I would feel the need to disclose the fact that Bill Cosby and other sexual predators were frequent guests...

5) Despite popular belief, I was never in the running to get this listing. This is the real reason I decided against it. If I had the opportunity, I would 100% list this house because it is one of the coolest, most iconic homes in American history. Plus the commission is insane.

 

 

10 Songs That Will Get You Through Anything In Real Estate

When you are halfway home after an open house and you realize you left your charger in the kitchen.

When you are on your way to a listing appointment and you are trying to get pumped up.

When you find out your best friend of twenty years used another realtor to purchase a new home.

When a sexy Escrow rep strolls into your open house.

When you close Escrow and get a fat commission check.

When the seller shows up before your open house is finished. 

When you are driving to the office and you realize that you can make a shit ton of money in real estate and have a sudden second-wind to your career despite years of underperforming.

When your seller decides to go with another agent and your listing expires.

When you are sitting a dead open house and the seller will not leave.

When your Title Rep gives you a weekly update on his marathon training for thirty minutes.