Video: Moving In To A New Place With A Roomie
I posted this like six months ago and nobody cared. This is a hilarious video. Kyle Mooney is a genius and one of the originators of funny online videos. Watch his channel for the best stuff on YouTube. He now is killing it at SNL.
Here is his stuff: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi5LWGay0KkESHzImWIIzcA
Questions That Should Have Been On The Exam Pt. 1
1) A listing saleseperson tells a buyer that “this is the nicest house in the neighborhood.” This would be an example of:
A) Actual Fraud
B) Concealment
C) Bull-shitting your buyer hoping they will write an offer that will eventually lead to you making money
D) Puffing
2) Susan owns a house which she leases to Sally. Sally had unprotected sex with Susan’s husband in that same house. Which of these two parties has an estate in the property?
A) Susan
B) Sally
C) Susan and Sally
D) Susan should now get tested
3) The most common area of real estate practice is:
A) Sale of residential properties
B) Sale of commercial property
C) Real estate Development
D) Literally not doing shit
4) When compared to a practice of selling residential properties, one who sells commercial properties would expect:
A) To have less sex
B) Fewer transactions, larger commission checks, and less women
C) More transactions, but smaller commission checks and less women
D) More transactions, but larger commission checks and no women
5) John sold his house to David. In the deed, John inserted a restriction stating that if the property were to ever sell alcoholic beverages, he would blow David’s head off with a shotgun. David’s ownership is best described as:
A) Fee simple absolute
B) Life estate
C) Fee simple defeasible
D) Stick to flippin’ drugs David
6) A standard township would include how many sections:
A) 36
B) 18
C) 10
D) You will never hear this word ever again except on this test
7) Broker Bob has a listing on Seller Steve’s house. In Steve’s presence, Bob tells a buyer that Steve is out of his fucking mind and needs to sell his house before the government takes the house. What authority has Broker Bob to make that statement?
A) Actual Authority
B) Ostensible Authority
C) Estoppel authority
D) No authority
8) When a property is sold “as-is,” and a licensee who has a listing on the property knows that the roof is going to collapse at any moment and destroy everything in inside, the licensee:
A) Can leave it up to the seller to disclose the roof problem
B) Is under no obligation to disclose the roof
C) Must disclose the roof problem to the buyer
D) Should close his mouth and sell the house and get his commission and peace
9) Which of the following issues would not be considered whether a person can legally sign a contract?
A) The age of the person
B) Whether the person had been declared clinically insane by court
C) Whether the person has over 100 followers on Instagram
D) Whether the person has used the expression: “story of my life” before
10) The “front-end ratio” would consider:
A) Would consider how proportional a woman’s cleavage is to her waist
B) Car payments related to a car loan w/ four years remaining for maturity
C) Both A and B
D) None of the above
The Best Real Estate Scenes in Film History
1) I Love You, Man: Crop Dusting Around the Open
Peter Klaven is LA's "biggest" realtor.
2) Step Brothers: Selling the House
Take notes if you want to prevent your rival agent from selling their listing.
3) Up: The sickest mobile house ever.
If you did not cry during this movie you have no soul.
4) American Beauty: I will sell this house today.
Everyone needs a little pep talk in the mirror once in a while.
5) Bruno: Deleted Scene
I can see why they deleted this...
6) Curb Your Enthusiasm: Larry prevents an office tenant from moving in to keep control of the AC.
This is an extreme, yet effective approach.
7) The Money Pit: The Stairs Are Out
Their agent did not disclose anything.
8) The Best Man: The Realtor
I am guessing most of you have not seen this movie. However, Seth Green does a fantastic job at making a closet seem like a third bedroom.
9) Funny Farm: Selling Your Country House
The most successful FSBO ever. If only real estate transactions were this easy.
10) Modern Family: Phil Dunphy explains, "Always Be Closing."
He is a true salesman.
11) Always Be Closing: Glengarry Glen Ross
The REAL ABC
12) American Beauty: Getting Nailed by the Real Estate King
Lingering Title Rep Gets Punched In The Face
A Baltimore Title Rep named Carl Kaminsky was viciously attacked by a disgruntled real estate agent late afternoon on Wednesday. "It was like any other day," Carl explained. "I was handing out some brand new calendars that my team made for the agents in the office. Midway through a friendly conversation someone hit me directly in the face." An agent at Maryland Realty said that Carl has handed out that same calendar every week since January. Police arrived at the scene at 4:47 PM and took the attacker (Ray Nolan, 64) into custody. In the report Ray claims that Carl was lingering around his desk while he was trying to make some phone calls. "I have never done business with Carl," Ray screeched while being forced into handcuffs. "He was telling me about some stupid hike he went on with his family. I don't give a sh** about your f******* hike!" An anonymous witnesses says that Ray has always hated Carl and has said that he was going to kick the sh*** out of him if Carl ever made eye contact with him again. Carl is now in a local Maryland hospital for a fractured cheek bone. Ray is in custody and will likely be charged for aggravated assault. It is safe to say Carl will not be handing out any more calendars.
Thor Bought A Pretty Sick House in Malibu
Chris Hemsworth and his hot wife Elsa Pataky just bought a "pretty cool" house in Malibu. I say "pretty cool" because I didn't see an ocean view in the MLS photos. Come on Thor, you are going to spend $3.45 million on a house that doesn't have a view of the Pacific? The 750-bottle wine cellar is a valuable addition for Chris Hemsworth's brother who also lives in Malibu. Now the slightly less good-looking sibling has somewhere to get shit-faced when Miley Cyrus decides to go for girls again.
For more photos of Thor's underwhelming purchase, go to blog where I got this story: http://la.curbed.com/2016/4/7/11379474/thor-chris-hemsworth-malibu
The Most Insane Property Description Ever
Nestled in a quiet cul de sac in a great location, this recently remodeled Spanish gem is the epitome of indoor-outdoor living. 3 bedrooms + 2 bathrooms, sweeping views of city lights and canyon from spacious roof deck. Includes guest bedroom and office (possible fourth bedroom) on the second level. Walking distance to all major shopping and a stone's throw away from trendy restaurants. Natural lighting, open spaces, and hardwood floors grace the family room which offers views to the spacious backyard. Please call Listing Agent 1 for showings. Property must be seen to be appreciated.
TRANSLATION:
Sandwiched between two frat houses near a construction site, this ancient shack is located in a predominately gang-infested neighborhood. Beautiful city views (if you have access to the Hubble telescope) from the soon-to-collapse roof. Also, the foundation has more dry rot than The Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean. Includes a guest bedroom and office which can be converted into a fourth bedroom if you plan on torturing your guests. You can get to the nearest shopping in five minutes with access to a fighter jet, and you are a "stone's throw away" from Burger King if you are Tom Brady. Natural lighting, holes in the ceiling, and concrete floors in the family room offer views to a the small cluster of weeds in the back. Please call Listing Agent 1 for showings and inquiries. This property is a pile of shit.
Mid-Week MLS Search Music
Kobe Bryant to Become Real Estate Agent After Retirement?
Nope! That title was what we like to call: "click bait." Kobe is worth $400 million. He's not about to start door-knocking with you and your buddies at Keller Williams. Sorry. But, there actually is a fair amount of athletes who got into the real estate game after injuries and retirement. Here is a brief list from an article I read in 2008.
1) Holly Rillinger
Wait what? You haven't heard of the former WNBA point guard Holly Rilinger?! Nobody has! But, she played for my favorite team, The Phoenix Mercury, and now works for Douglas Elliman in Phoenix. By the way that photo is a picture of Holly Rillinger, the fitness mogul. I have no idea if she is the same person as the WNBA star.
2) Roger Staubach
That's right. The Former Hall of Fame Cowboy quarterback started his own Commercial firm which was acquired by Lones Lang La Salle for $613 million.
3) Emmit Smith
The most sturdy running back ever joined Staubach and Co. in commercial real estate in Dallas.
4) Mo Vaughn
Remember this power hitting first baseman for the Red Sox? I hated him! Now, instead of launching cheap homers over Pesky Pole he is selling commercial real estate and failing miserably at it!
5) Andre Agassi
The former bad boy of tennis dabbles in commercial real estate according to an article I read in 2014. That is all the research I care to do on the issue.
Churro Ice Cream Bowls Will Pack Your Open House
Make these and I guarantee you fifty people will show up to your open house no matter what. Who else sits at their office for five hours a day watching Tasty videos on Facebook? They make it look so easy!
Full Recipe:
INGREDIENTS
Makes 8 churro bowls
¼ cup butter, cubed
2 Tbsp. brown sugar
½ tsp salt
1 cup water
1 cup flour
1 tsp vanilla
4 eggs
Cooking-oil spray
Oil for frying
Cinnamon sugar
Ice cream
Hot fudge and caramel topping (optional)
Equipment:
Piping bag with a small star tip
Muffin tin (6 to 12 cups)
PREPARATION
In a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, add butter, brown sugar, salt, and water, and bring to a boil. As soon as the butter has fully melted and the mixture begins to boil, reduce the heat to medium-low and add in flour. Using a wooden spoon, stir until the dough comes together to form a ball (about 1 minute). Remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes before proceeding to the next step (to prevent accidentally cooking the eggs).
Mix in the vanilla extract and add in the eggs, one at a time, being sure to fully incorporate each egg before adding the next. Once all the eggs are incorporated, transfer it to a piping bag with a small star tip.
Invert a muffin tin and spray thoroughly with nonstick cooking spray. Pipe the dough around the inverted cups in spirals to form the bowls. Immediately transfer the tray to the freezer and freeze until solid (about 3 hours or overnight).
Heat oil in a deep pot to 350˚F (175˚C). Remove the muffin tin from the freezer and flex it to release the churro bowls (you may need to also use a small knife under the bottom edge to initially release them). Return any extras to the freezer while you wait to fry.
Fry them in batches, until nicely browned, no more than 3 at a time. Be sure to carefully tip them into the oil so they sink to the bottom. Once desired color is reached, remove them from the oil to a paper towel–lined plate. Dab off any excess oil then roll them in cinnamon sugar. Fill with your favorite ice cream and toppings. Enjoy!
Pictures of Hot Dudes For Female Agents
I just realized that the majority of my audience is female! So, here are some hot guys.
I just ruined my Google Search for you girls. I hope you enjoyed that montage of face guys.
Millennial Breaks Hand in Tragic Door-Knocking Incident
A motivated young real estate agent named Hank Berman took lead-generation a little bit too far this Tuesday. In a desperate attempt to catch a former seller while she was home, Hank took to the common method of door-knocking. Hank said that he went to the home every day for two months in hopes to catch a glimpse of the owner. “I saw her pull out of her garage once,” Hank muttered. “But, I couldn’t run fast enough in my dress shoes and ended up tripping like an idiot.” Hank claims that he knocked on the owner’s door at least three times a day. An anonymous neighbor says he began to recognize Hank’s car and thought about calling the cops. This Tuesday, Hank took it a little bit too far. “I had switched door-knocking fists every other time to distribute the blows evenly,” Hank claimed. “But, Tuesday I was determined and went with my dominant right just one last time. Man, that door is f***ing solid.” Hank ended up fracturing his wrist and breaking three of his proximal phalanges on the second knock. A local jogger found Hank crippled on the ground and called an ambulance. Hank blames his persistence on the direction from his boss, who said: “do whatever it takes to get a meeting.”
Why Every Agent Should Get On Snapchat Now
I downloaded Snapchat in college for the same reason that every person my age did: nude pictures. Since the app's inception in 2011, Snapchat has evolved from a fun flirtation method to a full-blown social platform. With the recent additions to the Story and Discover features, Snapchat has become a key marketing tool for brands and businesses to reach consumers on an entirely different level. Following its traditional core, the real estate industry seems to be hesitant to adopt the technology. So, the question lies: why should real estate agents get on Snapchat? How can it help your business?
Using new technologies and downloading new apps gives consumers anxiety. Every time I hear about a new app like Vine or Periscope, I think to myself, "shit, another one?" I remember not even wanting to make the transition from MySpace to Facebook. I liked the way my Top 8 was organized and I didn't want Tracy to think I liked her less than Micaela. But, you have to go to where your consumers are or will be in the future. Think about this. Like the demographic of Snapchat, Facebook started as a hub for teenage girls. Now, your distant aunt is uploading videos and commenting on every single one of your photos. The "age-ificaiton" process is already happening to Snapchat. Be ahead of the trend.
HOW CAN THIS HELP ME IN REAL ESTATE?
All anyone cares about is how new technologies can help them get business. First, I believe that you should download Snapchat because it is free and because it is fun. But, it is also a fantastic way to record videos and give home tours to your clients. It is quick and simple to upload a walk through to your followers with the touch of your thumb. My favorite aspect of Snapchat is the candid ability to show who you are. It is the most authentic way to reach your followers without blasting them with phone calls, texts, or emails. Your clients want to see the other side of you that is not the mythological perfectionist real estate agent. Record entertaining videos not just of your homes, but of your daily activities to reach consumers on a much more intimate level. Give them market updates while you are sitting on the couch drinking whiskey. Tell them about a new home you saw on caravan or send them a photo of your fat, festering cat. It doesn't matter. Keep people engaged. Also, the new filters on Snapchat allow you to be extremely funny without any effort at all. Everyone likes funny. Also, you don't even have to record videos to use the app. So, if you think your life is just too boring you can follow other people and be forever entertained at a dead open house. You can watch Kylie Jenner make lip faces to rap music all day. You can follow inspirational speakers and real estate coaches to get your daily motivation. You can send nudes to your friends! Either way, it's free and Gary Vaynerchuk said it will be huge for business. Get on it right now and start gaining the following that you are already missing out on.
The Broke Agent is obviously on Snapchat: @thebrokeagent
Video of Mamba's Top 50 Dunks
Stop looking through the MLS and watch Kobe dunk. Just in case you forgot what this dude could do before his knees were broken.
Los Angeles Real Estate Agent Answers Phone for First Time in Six Years.
Brett Meyer is a 31 year old hotshot agent in the Beverly Hills area. He drives a black Audi A6, smokes weed, and speaks a touch of Farsi. He was well on his way to achieving F-list celebrity status in Los Angeles. However, he noticed a massive decline in his sales and decided to seek consulting. Experts attributed his recent drought to his uneducated opinion of self worth and complete lack of societal decency. “I honestly didn’t think any phone call was worth my time,” Brett said. “My assistant tells me what I have to do and I prefer to text or respond over email.” An anonymous, flustered agent said that dealing with Brett was “literally the worse experience of her entire life.” Brett finally answered his phone for the first time in six years after an intervention from a "friend" he met at the Greystone Manor club. “I had at least two hundred showing requests,” Brett sighed. “I used to get mad at other agents when they didn’t pick up their phones, but I didn’t realize that I had become one of them.” Brett now occasionally answers calls from numbers he recognizes and is slowly beginning to call people back. He is currently looking for a roommate to join him in a “sick condo he found in West Hollywood.” He has turned to his uncle for a little extra cash to cover his Equinox membership. He believes that his body is a temple and that happiness starts with a healthy lifestyle.
Real Estate Agent Rushed to Hospital for Saying “Granite Countertops” in Response to Everything.
It was a normal Monday for Janet Nolan in the city of Coral Gables. She dropped off her kids at school and received her schedule from her assistant at 9:30 AM. She had a noon showing at her spacious modern that just hit the market. The couple that Janet was showing the home to said everything was fine until they got into the house. “Her face lit up when we got to the kitchen,” the couple said. “She told us that all the appliances were brand new and that the countertops were granite. Then it appeared like she was possessed. She had a blank look in her eyes for the rest of the showing. She said everything had granite countertops, even the toilets. We tried to change the subject,” the couple urged. “We asked where the property line ended in the backyard and she just yelled it at us again.” A pedestrian that was almost hit by Janet on her way home said she was driving like a complete lunatic. Her husband rushed her to the hospital once she got home after she repeated, “granite countertops” seventy-three straight times. Her condition is yet to be determined.
7 Apps Real Estate Agents Must Have
A real, up to date list of apps that real estate agents should actually use to make their day a little bit more manageable.
1) Instagram
Instagram is the best time waster for open houses, inspections, or any time you hit a red light. It is the perfect way to act like you are reading an email when you are really flicking through bikini models or pictures of other Realtors that make way more money than you. If you do not have Instagram, you are an idiot. If you do have Instagram, follow the @TheBrokeAgent because I will tell you exactly what you are thinking at that particular moment.
Available on: Web, Android, iOS
Price: Free
2) Waze
Waze is the world's largest community-based traffic and navigation app that gets you places quicker in your car. This is the best app to use when you are late as hell to a showing and your client wants to decapitate you. If you use Google Maps you are a rookie.
Available on: Web, Android, iOS
Price: Free
3) Zillow
In case you forget what school district your tear down is in, this app will help you remember all of your specs with the click of a button. It is also a great tool to pull comps and get price estimates (joke).
Available on: Web, Android, iOS
Price: Free
4) Homesnap
Home Snap is like Snapchat except with no nudes and it is not fun at all. Simply take a picture of a house to find out all about it. It includes the most up-to-date data directly from the MLS and allows you to send homes directly to your clients. Unfortunately, I do not have any clients so this app is basically useless.
Available on: Web, Android, iOS
Price: Free
5) Tinder
If you are single, which you probably are, you should be hitting this hard all day. It is the best lead generation tool out there. It is the hot or not of dating apps. But remember, like real estate, it is a numbers game. My advice is to immediately send your phone number as your opener. It has garnered a 50% success rate for responses and almost an equal success rate to number extractions. I have always said that there should be a Tinder for house hunting. I think it would be extremely successful. You heard it here first.
Available on: Web, Android, iOS
Price: Free
6) Postmates
Postmates is transforming the way local goods move around a city by enabling anyone to get any product delivered in under one hour. Postmates' revolutionary urban logistics & on-demand delivery platform connects customers with local couriers, who purchase and deliver goods from any restaurant or store in a city...AKA you can get anything you want delivered to your open.
Available on: Web, Android, iOS
Price: Free
7) Pandora
Pandora is free, personalized radio that plays music. You never have to make another playlist again. Put on the "Chill Out" station and forever transform your open houses into a spa-like oasis.
Available on: Web, Android, iOS
Price: Free
MLS Search Music
Want to make looking for houses a little bit more enjoyable? Throw some cancellation headphones on and listen to this. It's old, but still good.
